Learning To Live Again
by StArRyStArRyNiGhTs
Summary: Spock/OC. Amanda Kirk has marooned herself on an outlaw planet and has become content with living a life of virtual solitude. So what happens when her brother pays her a visit and threatens to uproot her entire life? Can she let her past go?
1. Chapter 1: She Owes Me

**Disclaimer: Yes, I am aware that Tattooine is a Star Wars planet, but the name sounded suitable for my purposes. I do not own anything in this story except for my Amanda and her actions. I'm sorry if my lack of knowledge of the Star Trek universe has Trekkies in an uproar – for now, this is just based on when little I have in my gradually expanding repertoire. Let me know if I've overlooked something important and if its really integral I'll attempt to change it. Thanks!**

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Chapter 1 – She Owes Me

"Captain, not that I am questioning your decisions, for I know that they are made with the utmost care, but I do wish you would explain our detour to this outlaw planet." Spock's forehead was creased with concern as the Star Fleet officers wandered the streets of Tattooine.

Kirk smiled. "You can't stand not being in on the joke, can you Spock?"

"A joke, Captain?" Confusion clouded the Vulcan's features. "A joke implies some kind of trickery for the pleasure of-"

"Yeah, yeah Spock – I didn't mean it like that. It's just – we're here to pick up some supplies."

"I didn't notice any shortages on the cargo manifest, Captain."

"Yes, this is more of a – an unexpected commodity."

"I cannot estimate how this planet contains anything of value for our purposes."

"Trust me, Commander."

Kirk led the way to a run-down bar at the end of the street. Unsavory characters of all shapes and sizes were milling around, taking turns entering and exiting the building. Smoke filled the air, and Spock's keenly attuned ears picked up the sound of piano music from inside. It was called a Cabaret.

"The object we need is in _there_, Captain?" Kirk nodded with a distracted smile. "Are you certain?"

The captain had already entered the building, with Sulu at his heels. Calculating the slim likelihood of their ability to remain out of trouble, Spock chose to follow swiftly behind.

On the inside, the Cabaret was dark and musty. Aliens slung around tables in what, in any other venue, would have been an interesting cultural exchange. The captain snagged a table and the three men settled in.

"So, Captain," Sulu began, "when exactly are we entitled to kno-"

He stopped short to stare at the stage. Spock's eyes followed his to see a beautiful and shapely woman standing there with a microphone. She said hello and introduced herself in a variety of alien tongues – Spock couldn't help but notice that her dialect was exquisite. She was called Amanda, she told them, and began a musical introduction.

Thirty minutes later, Spock was convinced that Kirk had detoured their ship for the sole purpose of scantily-clad female entertainment. "Captain, I must insist that we return to the Enterprise at once. This is absurd."

"Absurd?" Kirk asked with raised eyebrows. He lifted a hand and pointed across the room, to where the Cabaret host was lounging against the bar with a drink in her hand. "Notice anything special about that girl?"

Spock pondered the question. In truth, there was something special about her, and just the kind of thing that he expected Kirk to notice. She was beautiful – he wondered if she could be part Deltan. He finally concluded that it was not possible – a Deltan would be taller. She was petite, with brown hair pulled up into two buns on either side of her head. She had pale skin but with rosy red liveliness in her cheeks. This girl was definitely human, but there was still something off about her. Not off in a negative way, he decided. He wasn't sure what Kirk was looking for. "She seems rather young to be employed in this kind of environment."

"She's twenty-two." Kirk informed him, leaning back in his chair. "And at one time, she attended Star Fleet Academy and consistently obtained the highest scores in all of her courses that the academy has ever seen. She was the youngest cadet ever to achieve Captain ranking coming out of the Academy, at age seventeen. I'm a bit ashamed to say, she may even be better than me."

Spock raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yes." The captain nodded. "She has several qualities that I feel make her a necessity to have aboard."

"She hasn't completed her training?" Sulu asked. He'd been relatively silent for most of their journey, and both Spock and Kirk seemed surprised to hear him speak.

"Yes, she has." The Captain contradicted. "She left the academy the day before graduation but had already been issued her final report. The most decorated student to graduate."

"Why is she not with Star Fleet?"

"Seems that it was not the life she desired."

"And what makes you think she will reconsider her decision now?"

Kirk looked at him with disdain, "Commander, look at this place. Who _wouldn't_ be dying to get out of here?" He took a long sip from his drink. "Besides. She owes me. She's my sister."

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Review if you would like to. All I ask is that you be gentle!

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	2. Chapter 2: Not A Chance

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

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Chapter 2 – Not a Chance

Once the performance was over, Kirk and his men waited for the crowd to dissipate and found Amanda at the bar, discussing ticket prices with a Cardassian who looked to be the Cabaret's owner. Spock reflected on the picture: an alien Cabaret. How completely absurd.

Kirk didn't wait for the conversation to come to a close. "How's it going, little bit?"

Amanda's head turned quickly to look at her brother, who stood about five feet away from her barstool. A range of emotions passed over her face, from surprised to happy to curious and, when she finally noticed his company, disdain.

She couldn't fathom what her brother was doing here, let alone dressed in Starfleet fatigues. And bringing a Vulcan along with him!? How dare he!? When he knew how she felt about them.

"Jimmy, what are you doing here?" She turned to her companion a second later and mumbled, "Gilka", which Spock recognized as Cardassian for "It is finished." At her tone, the Cardassian shuffled his papers into a pile and scuttered away. She turned back to Kirk and raised her eyebrows.

"Why, I've come to rescue you from the dank depths of this hellhole, of course."

To Spock's surprise, Amanda rolled her eyes. "How did you find me?"

Now it was Kirk's turn to be sarcastic, "You're the only human female who runs an alien cabaret on an outlaw planet. How _couldn't_ I find you?" When Amanda didn't say anything, he continued. "Mom's been worried."

"Mom's always worried."

"Seriously."

"I write her."

"One sentence with no return address doesn't count as writing."

"I don't have much to say."

"I bet you could think of something other than, 'It's beautiful out in space.'"

"Maybe I can't."

Sulu looked from one face to another, then back at Spock, who was staring intently at Amanda. This conversation felt private, but Kirk had told them not to leave his side. And they knew better than to abandon a Starfleet captain on Tatooine.

Spock was concentrating on Amanda. He was curious about her. What kind of human _chose_ to spend her life with aliens? Even those on Starfleet were only comfortable with the situation because humans were in the majority. She was here, on this awful, combative planet, all on her own. What would possess a human, one of a species that is always so tentative, to do this to herself?

Somewhere in the distance, there was a loud buzzing noise.

"Alright well if you're not going to go away, you have to come with me. We shouldn't be out past one."

"Amanda, I'm a Starfleet captain now." Kirk told her haughtily, implying who would dare mess with him knowing his rank.

"Exactly."

Amanda crossed the room to a coat rack where she put on a motorcycle jacket and wrapped a scarf around her hair. "Come on."

She led the way through the rapidly emptying streets to a small hovel on the outskirts of the city. She ushered them all inside before following and removing her scarf and coat. The first thing that the men noticed was her giant dog. Amanda kept a Doberman from Earth as a pet and a reminder of the planet. Sulu seemed frightened of the animal and backed away, and Spock was wary but also curious. Kirk knew of the pet and didn't seem bothered by him.

"That's Dante. He won't bite." She told them as they attempted to maneuver around the easily four foot tall dog.

The house or, room, as it would be more accurately described, was very cramped. Amanda gestured for them to make themselves comfortable and Spock stood in the corner by the stove, while Sulu sat at a tiny table about an inch from Spock's hip. Kirk reclined on her bed.

Amanda disappeared into another room that could only have been the bathroom. They heard the sound of water running and Amanda emerged moments later, clad in an ivory tunic and brown pants with ivory knee-high boots.

"Brother, are you going to introduce me to your friends?"

Kirk looked confused before realizing that he had never properly explained who his companions were. "Yes, of course. Amanda this is Lieutenant Sulu, my helmsman, and Commander Spock, my first officer. Spock, Sulu, this is my sister Amanda."

"Pleasure to meet both of you. Welcome to my home." Amanda was bustling around the tiny kitchen area, and Spock moved aside to allow her access to the stove. She put some crackers and spread on a plate and offered it up to them. "Sorry, I wasn't prepared for company." Sulu took the plate appreciatively, but Spock restrained himself. Spock couldn't take his eyes off of her, but he got the impression that his stare made her uneasy. He tried to lighten it a bit.

"Now Jim, to what pleasure to I owe this unexpected visit?"

"I have a job for you."

"Nope."

"You haven't even heard what it is yet." Kirk protested.

"I know. But I already know that it has something to do with Starfleet and I say no."

"I would simply like to employ you. As a consultant."

"I know that that's not it. You're planning to keep me there." She was offering drinks now. "I'm glad you like the spread. I made it myself."

She was speaking to Sulu, but her comment was surprising and unexpected. Sulu hadn't made any indication that he felt one way or another about the spread. He had only eaten two or three crackers.

"You're changing the subject."

"There is no subject to change." Amanda insisted, "My answer is no."

"That is not your answer."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell mom where you are."

Spock was quite sure he had never seen a woman look so cross in his life.

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Reviews are always welcome! Please be productive and don't let it sting too much!

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	3. Chapter 3: An Offer She Couldn't Refuse

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

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Chapter 3: An Offer She Couldn't Refuse

Despite all of Jim's pleadings, Amanda stuck to her guns. Her brother had talked her ear off all night, but she kicked him and his dumb officer friends out of her home as soon as day broke.

An exhausted Kirk and Sulu, with a just slightly less than tip-top shape Spock, headed back to the Enterprise, where they headed back to their rooms. Spock followed Kirk to his, and stopped him before he went inside.

"Shall I give the order to undock, Captain?"

Kirk yawned, "Of course not, Spock. We haven't gotten what we came here for."

Spock looked surprised, "She said no, sir. Seven hours and the answer was still no."

"I know, I know," Kirk nodded sleepily, "I'm going to try again tomorrow. Alone."

~*~

Spock retired to his own quarters and headed straight to his work desk.

"Computer. Access files for Starfleet Academy Cadet Amanda Kirk."

The computer opened her file for the ex-instructor, who perused it with interest. It was just as the Captain had said: his sister had graduated five years previous with A's in every subject. She seemed to have never struggled with a class. All of the instructors gave her rave reviews, and Commander Pike himself recommended her for Captain training.

It seemed that she was popular and involved on campus, with leading positions in seven different clubs and organizations. She had many friends, and all of her professors described her as kind and personable.

"She is constantly surrounded by admirers," wrote one, "But never seems to lose her focus. This one will go far."

So why had someone with a future full of so much promise squandered it all away?

~*~

And try again, he did. A few hours of sleep helped Kirk to conceive of the perfect plan to get Amanda to agree to have a trip on the Enterprise.

"I'll bring you to Ghandilet."

Amanda turned from her writing to look at him with interest.

He was nodding, "If you agree to spend two years on the Enterprise, I'll bring you to Ghandilet."

"Two months."

"A year and a half."

"Five months."

"One year. And I won't go lower than that."

She thought about it for a while. Amanda had never been to her birthplace – its citizens had strict codes of access and would only allow "outsiders" in by direct order from the Federation. "You promise?"

"I promise," he looked her straight in the eye, "That if you agree to spend at least one year on the Enterprise with me, I'll bring you to see Ghandilet."


	4. Chapter 4: Dragged By Her Hair

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. Also – I changed the dog's name to Dante. I like that name better. It's more great Doberman-ish.**

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Chapter 4: Dragged By Her Hair

And so it was with that promise that Amanda packed some of her most treasured things, wished Dante a tearful goodbye, leaving him at a neighbor's house, and allowed her brother to bring her to the Enterprise.

Now, Amanda was someone who lived her life for others. As an empath, she had found that it was just easier that way. When she was around people, their feelings were literally contagious. Besides, she could never really refuse Jimmy. This was something that her brother was keenly aware of and had put it to good use for their entire life together.

As soon as the ship came into view, Amanda felt that familiar dread grab a hold of her throat. She already felt trapped and she wasn't even on board.

It took Kirk several moments to realize that she wasn't beside him anymore. He turned and ran to catch up with her rapidly retreating form.

"We had a deal." He reminded her.

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes, "I can't, Jimmy. I'm not ready."

"You'll never be ready. As Captain of the Enterprise, I refused to allow an asset like you to go to waste."

"For Christ's sake, Jim, I'm not an asset, I'm your sister!"

His glare softened. "I know. And that's why I have to do this. I was just like you not so long ago, if you recall. Starfleet changed my life."

"Well, it ruined mine."

He shook his head, "Sandek ruined your life. Starfleet had nothing to do with it."

"Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm happy here."

"Come on, Mandi – you're not happy. You're miserable. Living in exile, punishing yourself. For what!?" He grabbed her roughly by the upper arm. "You're dying, Mandi! You're killing yourself. And you're asking me to sit here and watch." He was pleading with her now. "But now I'm in a position to help you, please let me."

Amanda shook her head, "I'm sorry, Jim. I just can't."

"If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it for mom. She's worried sick about you."

His torment was killing her, but Amanda had learned long ago to push those feelings aside. She just continued to shake her head.

Seeing that she was a resolute human bobblehead, Kirk knew that there was no way to get her on that ship.

Not without a fight.

And so he slumped his shoulders in defeat and turned away, only to rapidly spin around to grab her and throw her over his shoulder.

It was no easy feat. When Kirk had told Spock that Amanda had been top of her class, he had meant _all the way_ at the top – in _everything_. Including Advanced Hand-to-Hand combat. She had been president of the fencing club _and_ the sparring club. She was lethal.

But, to his advantage, he _was_ her brother and she didn't want to hurt him. In addition, his combat training wasn't too shabby either.

He practically had to drag her to the Enterprise by her hair. "This is for your own good – " he was telling her as they approached.

Spock was waiting outside for them with an amused look on his face.

"Spock – a little help here?" Kirk pleaded in a strained voice.

His first officer didn't move. "I'm quite enjoying the unfettered display of sibling affection, actually."

"Spock, come on!"

"Don't touch me!" the girl yelled, but Spock already had his hand on her neck. A second later she fell limp over Kirk's shoulder.

"You didn't say we were abducting her." Spock chided as they boarded the ship.

"We're not." Kirk maintained, "She wants this. She just doesn't know it yet."

Spock was a little bothered by the way the captain manhandled his sister, but he was also curious about her. Amanda's being on the ship would give him the opportunity to study her. There had to be some explanation for her unparalleled performance at the Academy and her subsequent dismissal of Starfleet.

They finally reached a door that Kirk opened to reveal a small suite.

"You intended to do this all along." Spock observed. Kirk had had rooms specially prepared for his sister. They were colorful and modern, less extensive than his or the captain's but nicer and larger than one of the crewmember's rooms.

"Spock, she's my sister. You saw that place."

"Why didn't you tell me? Tell the crew that you were planning this detour?"

Kirk reflected for a minute. "Not sure. Nothing was confirmed."

"Or you wanted to keep her a secret." Kirk and Spock turned to see the ship's medic, who Kirk called Bones, standing in the doorway. "So much for that. You made quite an entrance there. All of the women on board are calling you a brute more frequently than usual."

"It's complicated." Kirk made no real attempt to explain as he laid his sister down on a large black and white bed in the corner. "Bones, want to do a physical?"

Bones raised his eyebrows, "_Want_ to? Of course."

"Geez, Bones. She's my sister."

"And that response was most improper." Spock scolded the doctor.

"But I won't." Bones finished. "I'll have one of the nurses do it when she wakes up."

"Captain, we are needed at the Bridge. The crew is anxious to leave," Spock advised.

Kirk nodded, "And we have to get out of here before she wakes up."


	5. Chapter 5: Kind of a Big Deal

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. I'm sorry if it feels like its taking a while to get to the good stuff - almost there I promise!**

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Chapter 5: Kind of A Big Deal

"This is kidnapping!"

"Ugh – she's awake, alright." Kirk mumbled to himself as he rounded the corner to Amanda's room. He entered warily, and when she saw him, she saw red.

"Jim Kirk! I'm telling mom!"

The two nurses on either side of her forcing her to submit to a physical exam snickered at her threat. No doubt they were picturing an irate Mrs. Kirk giving him a kick in the ass.

"You'll thank me one day." He assured her.

"Or I'll kill you."

"One or the other." He shrugged. "Like your rooms?"

Amanda looked around for what seemed to be the first time. She was impressed, but not about to concede to him. "Not as much as I like my home!"

Kirk nodded with mock severity. "I'll have it redone." It was more of a threat, they both knew it.

The nurses finished her physical and left.

"I brought you some fresh clothes." He handed her a bag, but upon seeing that it was full of Starfleet attire, Amanda cast it aside immediately. "Oh, come on." He rolled his eyes at her.

"You know better." She told him.

He nodded, "It was worth a try. There are some other things in your drawers. I took the liberty of disposing of the trash you brought from that place. I kept anything that looked important!" he assured her when she looked irritated at him.

She disappeared into the bathroom with a handful of cloth from a bedside drawer, only to emerge moments later with a scowl on her face. "Really, Jim?"

He smiled, "It's all we have available. And it has to be regulation, so your old stuff wouldn't work." She groaned and entered the bathroom once more. "Trust me, if I could have you walking around in a burka, I would. It would make the brother job a hell of a lot easier."

She exited the bathroom again, this time wearing a short black skirt and a black short-sleeved turtleneck. She snagged a pair of black knee-high boots from the closet floor and put them on.

Kirk frowned, "Maybe you're right – I'll try to get you something a little less revealing."

"Do I look like a slut?" She frowned.

He shook his head, "No, it's just – " he was silent, thinking.

"Just what?" She asked, exasperated.

"It's just that – I'm trying to get you to _not_ attract too much attention is all."

"I knew it. It looks bad." She slumped down into a chair next to her bed.

"No, not at all." He assured her. "That's the issue. But, I guess there's nothing we can do about it now." He shrugged, "Hungry?"

"Starving!"

He smiled. She sounded like her old self. "Let's get some chow."

She shook her head, "I can't go out in public like this. Can't you bring me something?"

"No, I can't _bring_ you something. Besides, this isn't public. It's Starfleet. All of the women's uniforms are the same style."

She looked wearily at him. "Promise?"

He nodded, "Besides, no one would dare check you out when I'm with you. In case you haven't heard, I'm kind of a big deal around here."

She rolled her eyes with a laugh, "Well then, let's go."


	6. Chapter 6: Welcome Aboard

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

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Chapter 6: Welcome Aboard

Kirk was wrong. Dead wrong. He had failed to account for the unavoidable truth.

His sister was pretty.

She was also new, and as new things have a tendency to do, she attracted some attention.

He decided to bring her by the bridge before they went to dinner. Not only did he need to do a routine check-in, he also was eager to show off a bit.

Amanda felt the old excitement of Starfleet training returning with every step she took on the ship. It was dangerous and she tried to control it, but this was easier said than done. So when Jim asked if she wanted to see the bridge, her excitement bubbled up squealed "yes!" before her brain could say, "Hell no."

When the elevator door slid open, no one turned towards it to look at her and Jim and for that she was grateful. Everyone had been staring and turning to look at her in the hallways. This was the _real_ Starfleet, she told herself with a proud smile, busy at work, no time for gawking at the weird new kid.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before Kirk had to ruin the moment.

"So here's the heart of it all – where the magic happens. Well, my magic happens elsewhere, but for many of the people up here, I'm sure this is all they get."

So much for anonymity. Everyone turned to see who the Captain had brought with him.

"Amanda, you remember Lieutenant Sulu and Commander Spock." She nodded at them each in turn. Sulu remained motionless except for the slight drooping of his jaw, but Spock inclined his head in greeting.

Ugh – a Vulcan. She tried not to let her distaste for the race show. They were all the same: cold, emotionless, resolved. They didn't care for anyone – not even their own families - and they were _proud_ of it!

Then, Amanda felt ashamed. Her experience with Vulcans wasn't that extensive: she'd known only three in school. She had never had a problem with them until Sandek. Maybe Kirk was right. Was she letting her past control her?

Spock was taken aback by the look on Amanda's face. She seemed… angry? He couldn't be sure. Had the taroon ifla (the Vulcan nerve pinch) made her wary of him? She didn't seem to even have seen him approaching at the time. She turned away before he could study her reaction further.

Meanwhile, Kirk had begun to introduce the rest of the crew.

"This is Chekov, our friendly neighborhood Russian."

"Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Chekov."

"Ppplease ccall me, call me Pavel. My name, it is Pavel." Chekov, clearly unnerved by the beautiful woman smiling at him, stumbled through a response.

"And this is Uhura, our communications specialist."

Uhura was a pretty woman, Amanda observed. Her countenance wasn't really welcoming, but Amanda waved a little and smiled at her nonetheless. The woman nodded at her in response.

After introductions of the remaining four ensigns active on the bridge at various controls, Jim began making his rounds, assuring himself that all of the officers were doing what they were supposed to be doing. Amanda was left standing awkwardly by the door, observing.

The bridge was not what Amanda had expected. At the Academy, instructors had always emphasized the chaotic nature of working on a Starship. Jim's crew didn't seem chaotic at all. In fact, they were eerily calm. But pictures in textbooks and simulations could never do a Starship justice: literally dozens of computer screens flashed with reports and readings all over the room, and holographic images and writing boards were constantly being erased and edited. Buttons flashed and devices made hollow click-clack noises from every direction. This was how the ship was while it was at rest, she told herself. Imagine what it would be like in a time of crisis!

Amanda decided to start asking some questions to alleviate her boredom. She headed towards the shy young navigator first. As she sidled up to him his leg began twitching nervously and he started concentrating on an interstellar chart that was not nearly as complicated as he was making it seem. He made no move to acknowledge her, so she began speaking to him in perfect Russian.

"Navigation was one of my favorite subjects at the Academy. Will you show me how it works?"

The look of surprise on his face was priceless, and she was afraid that he was so nervous he would accidentally re-route the ship, so she began with what she knew. "You can use these to chart a course, right?"

He was delighted that they had chosen a subject and a language that he was familiar with, and proceeded to give her a detailed lesson on bridge navigation.

Spock watched Amanda converse with Chekov with keen interest. Why did she know Russian? And so well, at that?

Amanda was becoming endeared to the ship's navigator quickly. He was so sweet and adorable, and so young! He must be terribly lonely on a ship like this with no one his age.

"How do you know Russian so well?" he asked her once his lesson was finished.

"I studied languages at the Academy. Most of the world's greatest astronauts were Russian." Chekov smiled in approval.

Poor Chekov, thought Spock. He was clearly falling head-over-heels for Kirk's sister. Though he was not an expert in human emotions, he had enough experience with them to know that profuse blushing and sentences frequently interrupted by repeated stuttering were often indicators of attraction in humans.

"Well, my lady," Kirk crossed the room with wide strides and looped her arm through his, "I'm still hungry."

"Me too."

"Crew, hope to see you in the mess hall shortly."

They stepped into the elevator, followed closely by Spock. They didn't exchange words as the elevator zoomed along to the second floor where the mess hall was located.

"And this is where we eat." Jim told her as they entered the large mess hall. It was meant to accommodate all 253 members of Starfleet aboard the ship, but it was only about ¼ full at this late hour. He showed her where to get her food and to Amanda's surprise, it didn't look all that unappetizing. As she awkwardly waited for Jim to show her where to sit, she stared down at her plate, feeling dozens of pairs of eyes on her.

"This way." A voice instructed. She looked up to see that it was Commander Spock. A swift glance at the food line revealed that her brother had been distracted by a woman dishing out meatloaf. She rolled her eyes and followed the Vulcan to the Captain's table, where Sulu and another man she didn't recognize were already eating.

"How did you get here so fast?" She asked Sulu with astonishment that was only partly in jest. "You left after us!"

He winked at her, "I know a short cut. I'll show you next time. As long as you promise not to tell Jim."

"I swear." She joked in a conspiratory whisper.

"Ah," the other man at the table extended his hand, "You must be Jim's gorgeous sister everyone's been chatting about."

Spock noticed Amanda's cheeks fill with an appealing blush.

"Well, I don't know about that." She responded.

"By God, they were right – your eyes certainly are green, aren't they?"

At that, Spock willed himself to look directly into her eyes. Upon doing so he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed them before.

Scotty was right – they were green. Astonishingly green. In fact, Spock thought to himself, he hadn't known it was possible for eyes to get that green. There were no flecks of color, the irises didn't fade as they neared the pupil. The entire eye was deep, forest green, with a slightly darker circle on the outside of the iris.

Amanda blushed deeper, realizing that everyone at the table was now staring at her. "Yeah, they are."

"I'm Scotty, Chief Engineer." He explained. "You've been the talk of the turbine room since the Cap'n carried you aboard over his shoulder." He told her in a deep Scottish brogue.

Her face got redder, but this time Spock wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or anger.

Kirk chose that moment to sit down.

"Well, it didn't have to be that way." He explained, "If someone hadn't changed her mind at the last minute."

"Loser." Was Amanda's only feeble comeback. Sulu and Scotty laughed. She wasn't surprised that Spock didn't seem to respond. Vulcans rarely did.

"Wait a minute," she paused to re-route the conversation, "You're Montgomery Scott? _The _Montgomery Scott?" The man nodded. "As in, the first Engineer to theorize and develop Transwarp Beaming? _That_ Montgomery Scott?"

He smiled proudly.

"You're – you're like a genius!"

The people at the table snickered. Scotty was rarely referred to as a genius, although all of the crew knew that he was.

"You're theory that space bends to accommodate warping was absolutely inspired!"

"Well, it's good to know that someone still keeps up with the latest in warping technology."

While she tried not to stare at him with admiration, most of the rest of the bridge joined them. Before too long, the table was buzzing with conversation.

"You're rather quiet." The doctor, who Jim called Bones, commented to her after a while.

"So far I have nothing to say."

Bones looked at her with mock horror, "I hope we don't have another Spock on our hands."

She looked at Spock to see how he took the comment, but he didn't seem offended. "The doctor just wishes he could possess our discretion and self control." He told her.

She smiled but couldn't hide her surprise at having been directly addressed by the Commander.

"So, Amanda," Sulu called across the table, "I hear that you had quite an impressive record at the Academy. What was your specialty?"

"For the most part, Engineering. But I dabbled. Communications and xenolinguistics was my minor."

"Lieutenant Uhura studied xenolinguistics as well. Right, Commander Spock?"

It seemed that there was some underlying tension or some kind of joke that Amanda wasn't in on. The table felt suddenly more tense.

"That is correct. The Lieutenant was the most impressive specialist I taught at the Academy. She exhibited an unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies."

"And I'm fluent in 83% of the Federation's official languages." She seemed eager to add to her own qualifications.

"Bet you can't beat that." Sulu said with a wink.

"Indeed it is impressive."

Her big-mouth brother laughed out loud. "Go ahead and tell 'em, Mandi."

Amanda glared at him and took a bite of her mashed potatoes.

"Tell us what?" Uhura asked, looking expectantly between Amanda and Kirk. The siblings were exchanging rude facial expressions.

Kirk knew that his sister wanted to maintain some sense of anonymity on the Enterprise, but he had been waiting so long to regain ground with Uhura that he couldn't help himself. "Amanda's fluent in 99%."

The table was silent except for the sharp clatter of Chekov's fork as he dropped it to the floor.

Amanda felt hot under their stares. "Well, I'm really rusty. It's probably more like 80% now."

Uhura was the first to move. She left the table with a scowl.

"Thanks, Jim."

"You should not be ashamed to admit extensive knowledge of any subject, Amanda." Spock advised her. Something about the way he said her name sent chills up her spine. And she wasn't entirely sure that it was in a bad way.


	7. Chapter 7: Late Night Chess

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. Also, thanks to all of you who have subscribed and/or reviewed. It really makes me happy to see that you like the story and it encourages me to write more!**

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**Chapter 7: Late Night Chess**

Amanda spent the entire walk back to her rooms giving Kirk a piece of her mind.

"How am I ever supposed to fit in here if you keep doing stuff like that?! Now she hates me. And for good reason, I look like a total brown-noser."

Kirk rolled his eyes, "_She's_ a brown-noser. She can relate."

"Yeah, well, if I had any hope of getting along with her it's probably gone now."

"Not a big loss."

"Why're you so rough on her? She seemed…nice enough."

"Lieutenant Uhura is good at what she does, and our relationship has improved considerably since the Academy, but she can still be incredibly irritating."

"She dump you or something?"

He looked at her with annoyance. "_Noo_ she didn't _dump_ me. I was uninterested."

She scoffed, "Yeah right. You're interested in anything that moves."

"For your information, she and Commander Spock have a bit of a – rapor."

Amanda's eyes widened. "You mean they…"

Kirk only cocked an eyebrow slyly.

"Wow."

Well, now she felt even worse for Uhura. A relationship with a Vulcan was no fun, and they didn't last long. It was more like Uhura was in a relationship and Spock was getting some kicks.

"But anyway," Kirk told her as they rounded the corner, "I have a present for you."

He put his hand up to open the door to her room and Amanda was greeted by a massive impact knocking her backwards followed by a wet sensation on her face.

"Dante!"

Kirk smiled as the dog expressed his excitement at being reunited with his owner. "See, you can't be mad at me now."

"You're right." She laughed between dog kisses. "This is the best present ever." Standing up, she dusted herself off and guided the dog back inside by his collar.

"You just have to make sure he doesn't attack anyone while on board."

"Pff. Dante doesn't _attack_ people." She dismissed Kirk's stipulation with a wave of her hand as Dante jumped up onto her bed.

Amanda and Jim had a cup of coffee together and discussed old times. He left after a while and Amanda attempted to get some rest. Sleep wouldn't claim her, however, and she grabbed a data assistant and used its virtual map to find a rec room on the ship. There she proceeded to play a virtual game of solitaire.

"A bit late for games, isn't it?"

She spun quickly in her chair to see Commander Spock standing in the doorway. He looked as though he had not been sleeping at all and didn't in fact require any sleep. He seemed fresh and as awake as if it had been 3 PM rather than 3 AM. She pulled her robe closer to her instinctively.

He was surprised to see her in this state. Her long brown hair was undone, falling over her shoulders down to the middle of her back, held away from her face with a purple and white braided headband. She wore purple satin slippers, a robe, and, he assumed, a nightgown hidden underneath it that matched the headband. She reclined casually in her chair, emitting an unassuming grace that he hadn't seen since his mother died. Interestingly enough, her name had also been Amanda.

"You seem to be everywhere on this ship, Commander." She said once she got over her surprise. She turned back to her game, which she was rapidly winning.

"I was monitoring the ship's populace when I noticed the presence of an unidentified passenger in Rec Room 5. It was necessary that I investigate."

She nodded, "Of course."

In truth, Spock was stretching the facts. The screen had not indicated an unidentified passenger – it had indicated Amanda Kirk. He was curious as to why she was up so late, and decided to seize the opportunity to get to know her better.

She finished up her game. "Well, I guess I'll head back to my room. Sorry for disturbing you."

"Can I interest you in a game of chess?"

He gestured towards the strangest chess board Amanda had ever seen. "I'm afraid that I don't know how to play," she admitted reluctantly. She knew how much Vulcans prized intelligence and she was ashamed to admit that she knew less than he did. But then, why should what he thinks bother her?

"I'm not an unsatisfactory instructor."

They settled down on either side of the highly stacked chess game.

"Now, as you can see, there are seven levels. There are three fixed levels four squares long by four squares wide, and four movable attack levels, two by two. If you were to look at the board from above, it would look much like your standard chess."

Amanda nodded, but her forehead was creased in concentration.

"The principles are basically mathematical. You place the white here and the black on a secondary level. The pieces move as they do in traditional chess but with the exception that they can also move up or down."

They played for a few minutes and Amanda gradually worked up to it, but she still had no real strategy. Spock would correct her if she was about to make a mistake and ask her to rethink her logic.

As much as she hated to admit it, she was actually enjoying the game. Amanda was not someone who liked to be corrected, but for some reason, after the first couple of times Spock corrected her, she didn't mind it anymore. She laughed at her own short-sightedness and was thoroughly entertained by the complexities of 3-D Chess.

Spock liked Amanda's laugh. He found his own mouth twitching up just the slightest bit at its corners when she shook her head and moved her piece back, only to make a similarly ill-advised move once more.

"Well, I figured this would be one of those things that wasn't really as complicated as it looked." Amanda told him once the game was over and he had won a decisive victory, "But I was wrong."

"It will come with practice. If your progress in Starfleet is any indicator of your aptitude, you will have surpassed me in a very short time."

"Ah yes," Amanda shook her head, "And then I will never play it again."

Spock cocked his head to one side. "Indeed."

She smiled tiredly at him and stood up, pushing her chair back. "It's past my bedtime."

"Mine as well, I am afraid. May I escort you back to your quarters?"

"I'll be alright, thanks." She told him as they proceeded towards the door. She figured they had been friendly enough for one evening. No need to stretch the acquaintance further. That would only get her into trouble.

"Well then," he turned towards her in the hallway, "It was a pleasure."

"Likewise."

Amanda started towards her room, turning back briefly to watch the Commander's retreating form. She didn't know why, but she felt her distaste towards Vulcans ebbing a bit.


	8. Chapter 8: Unique Abilities

**Disclaimer: You know the deal. I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. Again, thanks to all of you who have reviewed. Admittedly, Amanda and Spock are easing their way into things somewhat slowly, but that's mainly because I imagine Spock to be the kind of person who thinks in baby steps, especially when it comes to emotions. I hope that y'all are with me when it comes to the whole "empath" thing - I read about it in a book and thought it would be an interesting juxtaposition: the most logical being in the world trying to work things out with the most emotional being in the world. If you guys think its a stretch, let me know and I'll try to rethink it!**

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Chapter 8: Unique Abilities

The next morning came bright and early, and Amanda was left to wake up by herself. Her first night on the Enterprise had been an interesting one, lacking in sleep and comfort. She had finally fallen asleep with a book on her chest and one hand patting Dante's head.

Now she woke up far too early but found herself unable to reassume her slumber.

Finally giving up, she made her way to the shower, which she fumbled with for a good thirty minutes before finally settling with cold water. She'd have to ask Jim how it was supposed to work later.

Her outfit was generally the same as the day before, with the exception of a purple V-neck thick strapped-tank top to go over the black turtleneck. A little color never hurt anyone.

She tried to remember how Jim brought her to the cafeteria but couldn't and had to end up asking for directions. Once there, it was relatively empty but she found a table with Pavel Chekov at it. The ensign had a heavy manual on the table next to his eggs and appeared to be doing more reading than eating.

"Mind if I join?"

His head snapped up and he slammed the book shut on his hand. He tried to smile through wincing pain.

"Welcome, welcome." He gestured to the seat across from him, which she took.

"How was your night?" She had figured that Russian was a more comfortable language for him, so she used it to speak to him.

"Quite well, thank you. I just did some reading and some sleeping."

"What are you reading?"

He blushed, "An Academy textbook on navigation. I like to refresh my memory, maybe learn new things."

"I used to do that all the time," Amanda nodded, "I saved all of my old textbooks. Of course, by now I'm sure they're in a ditch somewhere or being used as fuel for a fireplace."

"Why would someone do that?"

"Well, let's just say that the right to privacy and personal belongings doesn't really exist on Tattooine."

"Ah yes," he nodded and stared shyly at his plate. "May I ask why you were living on that planet, Ms. Kirk?"

"You can call me Amanda." She smiled. "And it was a good place to do business."

"I can't imagine very fair business."

"No, not very fair," she allowed, "but very profitable."

He nodded. 'Well, it was nice to eat with you."

Amanda laughed, "You haven't eaten a thing."

Chekov just smiled uncomfortably. "Well, I must report to the bridge. Thank you for your company."

"Well, if you must." She looked sad.

He was torn between wanting to sit at that table all day talking to her, or more like listening to her lightly lilting voice while she talked, and his obligations to report and his need to run away from this nervous situation. Women intimidated Chekov, particularly in a social scenario. He just ran out of things to say very quickly.

"Well, I, uh-" he looked around the mess hall for clues as to what to say. "You could come to the bridge if you like."

She thought about it for a minute. Hell, it beat sitting around in her room.

"Sure."

~*~

While Pavel led the way to the Bridge, Amanda asked him questions about his history with Starfleet. It turned out that Pavel had almost beat her record at the Academy. _Almost_. She had enlisted when she was one year younger than he was, graduated one year sooner than he had, and had all A's while he had made a "C" in xenolinguistics because he was "just not that interested in it." He joked that he would have endeavored to do better had he known that there was a record to beat.

He didn't ask her why she hadn't pursued a career with Starfleet, which was usually the direction that this conversation inevitably followed, and for that she was grateful. The truth was deeply personal, and she usually felt that no one would understand.

She was asking him about his childhood in Russia when they entered the elevator, and he barely had time to respond before the door opened. Chekov immediately moved to take his seat at the navigation desk, but beckoned to her to follow. There were no extra chairs, and though he offered her his she felt that it would be ridiculous to take the seat of the ship's navigator when she wasn't even _really _supposed to be there in the first place, so she knelt beside him. A few people on the bridge noticed her and waved, but she noticed that Jim wasn't there.

"Do you know where my brother is?" she whispered to Pavel. The bridge was so calm and quiet that she felt that a whisper was in order.

He laughed, "It is not a library."

"I know," she continued to whisper, "But I feel like I'm disturbing people."

He nodded in understanding. "The Captain went to Engineering, but he'll be here soon."

No sooner had Pavel spoken than the elevator door slid open and Jim emerged. "Well, well, well, little sis. Taking over the ship already?"

"Indeed." She joked.

"Captain, I'm picking up a strange force field. It doesn't seem threatening, but the last time we went through one of these we fried our equipment." Uhura spoke up as she tapped the screen in front of her with long fingernails.

"Can we go around it?"

She shook her head, "I can't make out the end of it."

"Well then, I guess we'll have to risk it. Get me Lieutenant Scott."

A minute later, Scotty's face popped up on the screen. "Yes Captain?"

"Remember how we were talking about how nice all that new equipment is, Scotty?"

"Yes, Captain." Scotty's face fell. He was waiting for the blow.

"Well, we may be upgrading to the latest model. Stand by for force field impact."

The bridge was almost silent as Uhura counted down the distance to impact. 1,000 feet. 900 feet. 800 feet.

Amanda leaned in to Pavel, "Is this really bad?"

He only shrugged. "We don't know. The last time we went through – "

"It fried the equipment, yeah." She nodded and anxiously watched the screen.

"But, we can work without the equipment for some time." He attempted to assure her. "No need to worry just yet."

"Impact at fifty feet."

"At the most we might just feel a sudden shock."

"Impact at fourty feet, sir."

"And even then it would only be people touching the circuit boards. So, Uhura."

"Twenty feet."

"We'll most likely be fine."

Ten feet."

"But since she has her hands on the controls. She might get flung across the room or something."

"Entering force field, Capt-"

Uhura didn't have time to finish her sentence before her circuit board fizzled and popped underneath her fingers and flung her chair backwards. At the same time, Amanda let out a fearsome shriek and clutched her head in pain.

Spock had been in the process of moving to tend to Uhura when he noticed Amanda's reaction and Kirk's immediate move to aid his sister. His eyes widened as the realization hit him.

"She's an empath."

By now everyone was looking at Amanda, who had fallen to the floor, still clutching her head and now her stomach in agony.

"Captain, I don't know what happened-" Pavel had fallen next to her, with his hand on her shoulder.

"It's alright, Chekov, you didn't do anything."

"She wasn't touching anything, she just fell over!"

"I know, Chekov!" Kirk was running his hands over Amanda's hair almost forcefully. Spock continued to watch in wonder.

"Lieutenant Uhura, Scotty – five people in the Transporter room." She was mumbling with short breaths.

"It's fine, Amanda, we've got them covered."

"God, it hurts, Jim."

"It'll go away soon."

Spock and Kirk seemed to be the only one on the bridge who knew what was going on. Everyone else just stared. Well, Spock was staring too, but in amazement rather than fear.

"I'm going to take her to her room." Kirk told them, scooping his sister up. "Spock, please contact Dr. McCoy and assure that everyone is being tended to."

"Certainly Captain."

When Kirk left with Amanda, Uhura immediately turned to Spock. 'What the hell was that?"

"Couldn't you tell, Lieutenant?" he asked. Hearing no response, he enlightened the crew. "The Captain's sister is an empath."

Chekov looked confused, "Commander, what exactly is this, the empath?"

"An empath, Ensign Chekov, who possesses a unique ability to feel other people's emotions. When we hit the force field and Lieutenant and the others were shocked, Amanda felt all of those shocks at once. It probably caused her to be in an incredible amount of pain." He settled down in his chair and tapped a few places on the screen to summon Dr. McCoy. "I have only ever seen two empaths in my life, and neither of them were human."

"I knew there was something strange about her!" Uhura exclaimed.

"If your conclusion is that Amanda is not human, Lieutenant Uhura, you are sadly mistaken." Spock informed her. If he was going to explain further, he didn't have a chance as McCoy's face flashed up on his screen.

"Good Morning, Lieutenant."

"Damn if it is." Was the Doctor's grouchy response.

"I trust you are receiving the victims of this morning's episode and find your equipment and supplies efficient to sustain them?"

"Yeah, yeah. Get back to running this ship, you green-blooded buffoon and keep us from hitting another one of those damned things!"

"I'll do my best, doctor."

Spock then received a transmission from Scotty indicating that damage to the engineering equipment had been minimal.

"Nothing we can't run without for a bit, Commander."

"Good work, Scotty. Compile a list of the parts you need replaced so that we can pick them up at the next Starfleet Outpost."

"Absolutely, Commander."

Scotty turned to the crew at the bridge. "I'm going to see about the Captain. Steer us away from any force fields for the time being."

~*~

Spock met up with Kirk as he was leaving Amanda's room.

"Captain. Is she well?"

"She's alright." Kirk told him, but at the same time he looked worriedly at the door. "She fell asleep."

"I find that this is another detail you failed to mention to us, Captain."

"What detail would that be, Commander?"

"You know very well what I am referring to." Kirk looked at him with a practiced look of ignorance. Spock rolled his eyes in annoyance, "The fact that Amanda is an empath significantly impacts her presence on this ship."

"I don't see why."

"Because – anything that happens that might be just a regular occurrence for us could mean death for her."

Kirk scoffed, "I don't know where you took "Empathy 101", but that's not how this works. At least not for Amanda."

"How does it work then?"

"She handles it really well, Spock. I mean, _you_ couldn't even tell until today. And besides, how often do things like that happen to us?"

"Too often to be comfortable for her, Captain."

"She's fine."

"How do you know?"

At that moment, the door slid open and Amanda emerged, bright and cheery. "Because I told him so, Commander."

"Amanda," if Spock was surprised to see her, he didn't show it, "Good to see you recover quickly."

"You should still be sleeping." Kirk sounded concerned.

"I'm fine," she assured them both, "Really. I'm just going to take Dante on a walk around the ship." The dog had come outside with her and sat obediently at her side.

"I think you should rest." Jim insisted.

Spock agreed with a nod, "Yes, I think that would be the best thing to do."

"Very well then." She smiled, "I'll rest in the rec room."

"Amanda-"

"Jim, you can't keep me cooped up here."

He grimaced, "I know, it's just – you just suffered from like eight different electric shocks. Aren't you feeling just a little kickback right about now?"

"Jim, I love you but, if you don't leave me alone, I'll smack you."

"Captain I think it is perhaps best to do as she says. You are most likely needed on the bridge by now. I can observe her activities if you are concerned."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"I assure you, it would be out of concern for your personal health."

"My health is A-okay. Are you a doctor?"

"A logical assumption, but no, I am not."

"Then you are in no way qualified to diagnose me."

"I am not attempting to diagnose an illness, merely suggesting that after such an episode as I witnessed a few minutes ago, you may be experiencing shock and not entirely as well as you think you are."

"Okay, okay," Kirk interrupted their verbal sparring match. It was tempting to allow it to continue: Amanda and Spock were probably the two most intelligent _and_ irritating people he'd ever met, and he really wasn't sure who would win such an argument. "Amanda, I'll permit you to wander the ship," she smiled and looked like she was going to walk off until he continued, "_IF_ you allow Commander Spock to accompany you."

"Jim!"

"That's my decision."

"You can't tell me what to do!"

"I can too. It's my ship."

"Bastard." She sighed, as she considered her options: stay cooped up in her room or be allowed to explore with a Vulcan guardian. She figured that just because he chose to follow her around the ship didn't mean she had to interact with him. "Alright. Let's go."

And so she, Dante, and Spock headed down the hallway away from her room.

"I cannot help but notice that we are not going in the direction of the recreation rooms." Spock said after a few moments.

"Excellent observation, Commander."

When she didn't elaborate, Spock delved further. "Do you have a particular destination in mind?"

"Yes."

He was getting frustrated. "Where?"

"The Engineering Deck."

He stopped in his tracks. "I see no reason to interrupt them."

"Very well," she didn't stop walking, "I'll catch you later."

He was so tall, it only took him three strides to catch up to her. "I told the Captain that I would maintain a watch over you, and I shall continue to do just that."

"Alright, then we're going to the Engineering Deck."

He wanted to argue with her but knew that it wouldn't do any good. Instead he walked beside her, allowing himself to drift slightly behind. He observed how her pet kept perfect stride with her, looking up frequently as if to make sure his master was in good condition.

They were heading down a staircase when she wavered a little bit. A less observant human might not have noticed, but Spock had more conditioned senses as a Vulcan and his eyebrows drew together in a gesture of pensive concern.

Amanda was trying to ignore Spock, but he was making it increasingly difficult. To begin with, he was wearing some kind of cologne that smelled absolutely delicious. It was strange – she didn't think Vulcans would bother with something that superficial. But it was definitely there – a decidedly manly smell, with very complex notes. Amanda's well-trained nose detected hints of citrus, cedar, and an almost peppery smell.

In addition, he was walking at the most irritating point in her peripheral vision. She had become slightly paranoid over the years and hated when people hovered in her "blind spots." She kept speeding up or slowing down to change his angle to her, but her efforts were in vain. He found the exact same location and stuck to it.

And for these reasons she was immensely relieved when they reached the Engineering deck. She looked with dismay upon the wreckage there, and sought out Scotty. She finally located him, bent over a touch-screen switchboard that had been struck.

"Hello, Scotty."

"What? Oh, er, hello there lassie. I'm sorry, kind of busy at the moment."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Well, I don't think so, no, but thank you fer checking in."

Amanda turned away, somewhat disgruntled. She wanted to lend her services, but it seemed that Scotty didn't think that women knew what they were doing down there.

"Shall we return to the main deck?" Spock asked expectantly.

"Nope."

She looked around for a few minutes until she zeroed in on the central switchboard. Interestingly enough, no one was hovering around it. It seemed that they had decided to treat the shortage as a group of mini-blow ups rather than one large one. She beelined for it.

Spock followed Amanda with interest and watched as she knelt to the ground and slid under the machine where no person of a normal human male's stature would have fit. He didn't know whether he should stop her or allow her to humor herself. Either way, he concluded, she _had_ majored in this. She must know what she's doing. He observed her toned legs poking out from under the machine, not sure why he couldn't take his eyes off of them.

"Hand me a wrench?"

Her words drew him out of his reverie as she stuck an expectant hand out from under the machine. He looked around and, sighting a suitable tool, handed it down to her. She fiddled around for a little bit before all of the screens suddenly powered on.

Cries of amazement and shouts of accomplishment came from all over the deck. Scotty looked around, wondering what had happened. Amanda wormed her way out from under the computer, holding her skirt in place. When she emerged, she did so with the eyes of the entire Engineering Crew on her.

"Oh. Um. Hello, all."

"How did you do that?" Scotty cried out, zooming towards the computer that had only minutes ago been consumed by a miserable blackness. It was now alive with color and flashing boxes.

"I, uh. Well," Amanda wasn't really sure what to say. "I just messed around."

Scotty looked bewildered, "Some pretty well-planned messing around."

"I just wanted to see if maybe the problems were caused by one big boom rather than several tiny zings."

"Excellent use of onomatopoeia." Spock commended her.

Everyone was silent for a few minutes. "Well, I'm glad I could help." She told Scotty. "See you at lunch?"

Scotty just stared at her.

Amanda started to feel more and more awkward by the second. "Alright, well, um, I'm just gonna… Spock, shall we?"


	9. Chapter 9: Another Game

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. I'm also afraid that some of you may be confused by the names that I have selected for this story – Amanda is not, in any way, meant to be a reincarnation of Spock's mother. Since I plan for them to hook up in the near future, that would be kind of icky.**

**Thanks for the reviews and alert requests! Hope the story stays up to par with your expectations.**

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Chapter 8: Another Game

Spock followed Amanda like a faithful pet and, were it not for their anatomical differences, he could have been seen as Dante's twin. He could see that her strength was failing rapidly, although he wouldn't tell her that – he knew that she wouldn't listen and would probably just get angry. So, he decided to continue to follow her in the case of a misstep.

"Don't you have something you should be doing, Lieutenant?" She asked him as she rounded a corner on her way to the rec room. "Aren't you an officer or something?"

He could see the smirk that swept over her features even as she wasn't looking at him.

"Indeed I am, but if I am needed on deck I will be paged."

"And until that moment here you are?" She lifted her hand to open the rec room door.

"Here I am." He confirmed with a stern nod. "Looking for a rematch?"

She had begun eyeing the chess set in the corner of the room.

"Perhaps."

"If so, I would recommend that you play white this time."

"And why is that?" She asked him, though she was already settling in at the suggested side.

"I find that most feel that white is the lucky color."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Lucky? I wouldn't think that a Vulcan would rely on luck."

"I don't rely on it." He informed her. "But, knowing of its importance to humans, I thought it might be helpful for you to know that."

"You're not supposed to aid your opponent." Amanda made her first move.

"I believe that I can afford to do so."

She laughed, "I think you're calling me a poor chess player."

"Not poor," she watched as Spocks long, slender fingers moved a piece, "Inexperienced, perhaps."

"Ah, I see."

"I have been looking over your records from the Academy. Very impressive."

"Thank you, Commander." She leaned back in her chair as she waited for Spock to make his next move.

His eyebrows came together in a look of concentration. "I do have a question, however."

She reached down to pet Dante on the head in slow, even strokes. "Someone always does."

He chose to ignore the route that her statement implied and continued his original line of questioning, "The Captain said that you were fluent in 99% of Federation languages. If I may ask, what is the 1% of information that you are lacking?"

"There are a certain amount of words and phrases in languages that the human tongue cannot hope to pronounce." She was still in the game, and moved her rook to check Spock's king. "I do not feel comfortable saying that I speak 100% of the Federation Languages without accounting for those words that I cannot say."

"Very logical." He moved his King to safety.

Dante crawled into Amanda's lap and she had to lean over the animal to move her next piece.

"Perhaps you should order the animal to sit on the floor so that you can more effectively play the game." Spock suggested.

Amanda looked at him with a sour face, "The _animal's_ name is Dante. And Dante can sit anywhere he wants to. I can work around him."

"Yes, you can but why should you?"

She cocked her head to one side in thought. "Because he wouldn't push me out of the way unless a torpedo was headed my way."

Spock had nothing to say in response to this, and instead found that he had to save his King from her once more. It was interesting how much her game seemed to have improved over night. Or perhaps he was just distracted. "Why did you join the Academy?"

"What do you mean?"

"It seems to me to be a simple question. Why did you enter the Academy if you had no wish to continue your role in Starfleet?"

"I do what I want when I want. I wanted to attend the Academy. I didn't want to join an inter-Galactic militia."

The corners of Spock's mouth turned up in the slightest of smiles. "You are your brother's sister."

Amanda was disgruntled by the comparison. "Actually, Kirk is only my half brother." She informed him matter-of-factly.

"Oh?"

"Yes. We share the same mother, but my father was not the late Captain Kirk."

He looked at her through narrow, analytical eyes. "Interesting."

"Ugh. Don't do that. I hate that."

"Hate what?"

"That. That look right there."

"I'm afraid that I do not understand."

"That god-damned analytical look, like everything and everyone is a science experiment!" She was upset now, that much was clear to him. He didn't know why this mood had come about or what he could do to improve upon it.

He chose to repeat the explanation that his father gave him as a child, "Logic offers Vulcans a serenity that humans seldom get to experience."

"You Vulcans, you're all alike." She nudged Dante off of her lap gently, refusing to allow her frustration with Spock's stoic personality to infringe upon her treatment of her pet. "Check mate."

Spock looked at the board in surprise. She had swooped in out of nowhere, her moves were unpredictable.

"I'm going back to my room now, Spock. You don't need to follow me there."

She left a bewildered Spock squinting at the chess board, wondering where he went wrong.


	10. Chapter 10: Cosmic Waves

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

**Thanks for the reviews and alert requests! Hope the story stays up to par with your expectations.**

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Chapter 10: Cosmic Waves

For the next few days, Amanda avoided Spock at all costs. She spent most of her time with Pavel and, when he was free, Jim. The rest of the crew was very welcoming, but it seemed that they were no where near close to getting used to her presence. There were still stares, whispers, and unusual behaviors wherever she went, even more so now that news that she had empathic abilities had spread around.

Amanda had been lamenting about the lack of exercise she was getting on the ship when Sulu challenged her to a fencing match. She gleefully accepted and planned to meet him in the gymnasium later that day.

Arriving at the gym, Amanda saw no sign of Sulu. The place was pretty much empty, so she grabbed one of the practice swords and started to warm up. She had begun wondering if Sulu was going to show up when Spock waltzed into the gym. She looked at him with dismay.

"Sulu asked me to extend his humble apologies." The Vulcan was telling her, "He has been detained for a meeting with the Captain."

Amanda was only half listening as she took a few more swings and then moved to put the sword away. At least she'd gotten a little physical activity in for the day.

"If you still wish to spar, I may be a suitable partner."

She looked at him for a long moment. Spock knew that look. She was sizing him up.

Amanda shook her head as she wiped her forehead with a towel. "I wouldn't want you to mess up that fancy uniform."

"The uniform should not inhibit my fighting abilities. It is designed to render comfort and maximum range of motion."

She smiled and mumbled to herself, "In that case, maybe I should have one." She knew that Spock had heard her, but he made no effort to respond and instead picked up his own practice sword.

"Shall we?" he asked once he had moved to the center of the mat. The sparring began.

Spock, for all of his uncomfortable, stiff ambience, was a very skilled and fluid fighter and proved to be quite a match for Amanda. She tried every one of her best moves on him, all of which were thwarted. After fourty-five minutes of back and forth combat, Amanda called the match.

She was extremely frustrated by Spock's ability to maintain energy during combat. She was practically dying, skin soaking wet, sucking in air, and Spock had barely broken a sweat.

He watched her with interest as she collapsed down on the mat, arms outstretched on either side of her. She was strangely alluring this way – skin glistening, face flushed, chest heaving, with a wide smile on her face. Physical exertion was so completely human, and while he analyzed her, he tried to imagine a Vulcan in the same situation. The image almost made him laugh out loud.

He replaced their swords and returned to stand above her.

"Excellent match."

"Ugh," She rolled onto her side and then jumped up on her feet, "Damn that felt marvelous." Amanda noticed Spock looking at her very closely and was suddenly more self-conscious. She fixed her ponytail and quickly grabbed her towel to clean up a bit. "It must be nice to have no sweat glands." She laughed nervously as she wiped her arms and chest.

"At times," he agreed with a nod, "But considering that Vulcans expel heat through breathing, we can make the environment uncomfortable for others in close quarters."

"I'm not sure it's the breathing." She mumbled as she turned towards the door.

It was another comment that he chose to ignore. "It has been a while since our last exchange." Spock observed, lengthening his strides a bit to meet her at the door.

"Has it?" Amanda asked as if she hadn't noticed.

"Indeed." He was following her down the hall now. "Do you intend to have dinner this evening?"

"As soon as I shower."

"Perhaps you would like to join me?"

"Well, I do have to shower." She explained, hoping that he would just decide to eat without her.

"I will wait." They had reached her doorway and Spock stood obediently beside it. She looked at him for a long moment. She supposed that he intended to just stand there while she showered.

She wondered if it would be rude to leave him out there for a while, and if he might eventually leave. He looked awkward and attention-grabbing there, however, and she rolled her eyes a bit. "Might as well come inside."

It was the first time that Spock had been inside Amanda's quarters while they were being occupied. She had added a variety of personal touches – not the least of which was her giant dog, who was lying in his giant bed with a giant piece of rawhide. He settled down at her table while Amanda grabbed some clothes and headed in to shower.

It did not strike Spock that this might be considered improper. He just waited, analyzing any changes she had made to the room. She had a photograph of the captain, herself, and their mother on her nightstand. The rest of the room was relatively bare except for some space flowers that she had probably been given by Sulu. It was clean and neat, and she had made her bed in the morning. He approved of her cleanliness.

He was startled by a wet feeling in his hand, and looked down to see that Dante had come to welcome him to his master's abode. Spock had just begun to scratch the dog's ears when Amanda emerged, buffing her hair with a towel.

"I don't see you as a pet person." She concluded from the somewhat awkward display.

Spock was a bit disgruntled by the accusation, "On the contrary. I enjoy the company of animals. I had a pet sehlat when I was a boy."

"A sehlat?" She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"An animal native to Vulcan. I suppose that earth's equivalent would be a bear."

"You had a pet bear?"

"No, a pet sehlat."

She shrugged. "Not quite the same as a dog, I think."

"They can be very affectionate." Spock had risen and begun wandering around the room, inspecting the flowers. He noticed that one had a card – a note from Ensign Chekov. His forehead creased into a frown.

Amanda walked towards the door and Spock slowly followed. He didn't know why, but the idea of Chekov sending Amanda flowers discomfited him.

"You will permit me to make a personal inquiry?" He asked her as they walked down the empty hallway.

"It depends on the question, I guess." When he looked confused, she laughed. "Go ahead."

Spock intended to ask about Ensign Chekov, but they were headed towards a group of people in the hallway and he decided against it. "Nevermind."

Amanda was puzzled by the exchange, but before she could ask about it, there was a group of people calling out to her.

"Hey Amanda!"

"Where have you been!?"

She smiled as they passed, "I've been around. Where have _you_ all been?"

They were wearing Engineering red, and Spock thought that he recognized one or two of them.

"Oh, you know, Scotty keeps us pretty busy."

"I know where you've been," taunted a girl, "out with Ensign Chekov!"

Amanda's only response was to smile and shake her head.

This only bothered Spock more.

Once they had arrived in the cafeteria and gotten their food, Amanda and Spock settled down at a table with Kirk, Sulu, and Uhura.

"Amanda, how are those flowers that I gave you doing?"

"They look very healthy," Amanda told Sulu, "And they have cheered the room up nicely."

"I didn't know the room was lacking in cheer." Kirk seemed upset that she didn't like his decorations.

She smiled at him, "Jim, the room was very cheerful. The plants just make it – more alive."

An awkward silence settled over the table, only to be interrupted minutes later by an announcement over the ship's intercom.

"Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, please report to the bridge. Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, please report to the bridge."

Jim, Spock, Uhura, and Sulu all got up to leave. Amanda followed them without asking.

Once they arrived at the bridge, they found it engulfed in a flurry of activity.

"Captain, sensors are picking up rogue solition waves in the area."

Amanda watched as the officers took their places and relieved their less-experienced replacements.

"Scans show that we are headed straight for the waves, Captain." Spock informed the bridge. Amanda looked over the screens in the science officer's station and tried to remember what she had learned about solition waves at the Academy. She knew that a solition wave was an extremely powerful, nondispersing wavefront of artificially created subspace distortion.

"What created it?" She asked, leaning over Spock's shoulder to analyze the phenomenon. "There seems to be nothing else in the area."

Despite his training to the contrary, Spock felt his mind drift. It had been a while since he had been this close to a woman. Since Uhura. There was something different about the way Amanda was, though. First of all, her smell was completely intoxicating to him, in a way that he had never noticed about another woman before. Her chest was dangerously close to his cheek, and Spock's mind began to go down a path that was completely inappropriate for a Starfleet officer and, more importantly, for a Vulcan. Disgusted with himself, he stood up next to her and moved away quickly.

It was too late, he realized as soon as he got to the area behind the captain's chair. Uhura was looking at him through slitted eyes.

It was commonly believed that Vulcans felt no sexual urges unless they were related to the time in a male's life when he was supposed to find a wife and produce offspring. Vulcans were such a proud people that they never even considered clarifying the circumstances for humans or other species. Sexuality was completely taboo to Vulcans. But contrary to popular belief, that didn't mean they didn't think about it. Perhaps not often, but every now and then someone would come along with some particular quality about them that brought out the more…carnal side of a Vulcan. Uhura had started to see that side of him, but he had always managed to keep it under firm control. He was finding the same control difficult when he was around Amanda, and Uhura could tell.

Just then, several seconds later, he remembered Amanda's question. She was looking at him expectantly.

"It is possible that the wave was created by a subspace quasar."

"I thought that soliton waves were only artificially created."

"The natural wave theory has only recently been postulated."

"It is heading towards us at an increasing speed." Chekov announced.

"And no doubt picking up tons of soliton particles as it comes."

Jim looked at her expectantly, "Since you seem to be the authority on the issue, what can we do about it?"

She shook her head, "The closer it comes, the more particles it attracts, the larger and stronger it becomes. If it's crossed a wide gap already, we could be looking at enough power to obliterate a _planet_, let alone this starship."

"If it hits the ship," Spock added, "We will not survive."

"Is there a way we can avoid it?"

Amanda shook her head, but thought a moment. "I may be able to disperse it."

"Just let us know what you need."

Amanda nodded and stood at the helm with her hand on Chekov's shoulder observing the distance. The wave was not yet visible, but she knew from the radar that it was getting dangerously close.

"First, we _must_ report the wave on all emergency channels. Just in case. Note position, heading and velocity." Kirk nodded to Lieutenant Uhura to do as his sister instructed. Amanda looked back at Kirk, "The wave can be disrupted by creating a backfire directly in its flightpath. A simple antimatter destination equal to the impact of the wave should be efficient. We need to evacuate any areas at the head of the ship that may be affected by radiation backlash."

Kirk nodded and issued the orders. Spock, impressed by Amanda's knowledge of the wave behavior, gave her an approving nod. She almost smiled in response.

Spock turned back to the screen. "Captain, the wave has just jumped 100 yards closer."

"We need to detonate NOW." Amanda told Jim. He issued the order to fire again, but there was no response from the ship. "It's taking too long! The wave will hit us!"

Just as she spoke, a torpedo was launched from deep within the ship's guts. The crew saw it head off into space and Spock monitored it on the screen.

"Full impact." He declared. The crew seemed to relax a bit, but Amanda was shaking her head.

"It was too close. We're going to get backlash. You guys had better tie yourselves down."

No sooner had she spoken than debris and a thick wave of energy launched towards the ship. The Enterprise shook and the bridge temporarily lost power as officers were being flung around in all directions by the impact.

Moments later, the power came back and the bridge began to come back to life.

"All present and accounted for?" Kirk asked, looking around the captain.

"Captain!"

It was Chekov. He had run to the corner of the room, where he was kneeling over Amanda's completely still body.


	11. Chapter 11: Mind Meld

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

**Thanks for the reviews and alert requests! Hope the story stays up to par with your expectations.**

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Chapter 11: Mind Meld

When Amanda did not immediately wake up, a worried Kirk carried her to sick bay, closely followed by Sulu and Chekov.

Spock watched them leave the bridge with carefully concealed concern, but had to take command of the ship in Kirk's absence. He kept his ears tuned to the intercom for updates about Amanda's condition. No such updates came.

"Jesus, Kirk, what the hell happened?" Bones asked when Kirk rushed through the doors to sick bay.

"She caught backlash from the blast. It flung her clear across the room, Bones."

The doctor went immediately to work, taking samples and running tests.

"Well, the good news is," he turned to Kirk, Sulu, and Chekov after an hour of examination, "We've gotten her back on track. She broke a couple of ribs, and I wrapped them up. She started to stir but I sedated her. That's a good thing!" he assured an angry-looking Kirk, "– it means she's not feeling any pain."

"How long will she have to be like this?"

"Most of the pain she'd be feeling right now is empathetic, so I'd like to keep her under at least until things around here calm down and maybe the bones heal. With the new stuff we've got, it shouldn't take too long." He began putting his tools away. "A week or so maybe?"

Kirk nodded, forehead creased with concern.

"Hey, Jim," McCoy put his hand on his friend's shoulder, "She's fine. Really."

"I can't believe I dragged her into this."

"From where I'm standing, it's a good thing you did." Sulu piped up from across the room, where he was leaning against a cot. "If it weren't for her creative innovation back there, this ship might be floating around the galaxy in 50 million little pieces."

Chekov nodded in agreement. "She saved us all." The admiration in his voice was obvious.

~*~

Later that night, when most of the ship's crewmembers were nestled snugly in their beds, Spock was making his way to the sick bay.

It was eerily dark and quiet when he entered the room with determined steps. All of the other victims of the almost-explosion had received only minor injuries, so the sick bay had been cleared out except for Amanda. She was lying on the cot at the far end of the room, hooked up to all sorts of machines and monitors.

He didn't like to see her that way – pinned down by plastic and metal. He was sure that if she woke up like that, she would rip everything out. She was stubborn that way.

Standing at the edge of the bed, he took her in. There was one good thing about this situation: it gave him the opportunity to really look at her for the first time, without having to worry about outside interruptions or jabbing comments from her. It was easier for him to think when he wasn't being distracted by her fiery words of obvious dislike for Vulcans.

He had been tempted to ask Kirk about it, but decided against it. Let humans think that Vulcans never picked up on those things. It was easier for everyone involved.

She was utterly calm and composed in her sound slumber. She was even prettier than usual like this, when her face wasn't marred by worry or sarcasm. He wondered if she had ever been at a point in her life when she looked this peaceful when she was awake.

It was there that he made his final decision. It wasn't right – he knew that. But he just had to know.

Spock moved to stand alongside Amanda and leaned up against the cot.

They would have looked like lovers to anyone who happened upon the scene and didn't know either of them. But they were not, and the exchange going on between them was intimate, but not at all romantic.

He gingerly pressed fingers to her temple next to her eye, right alongside her nose, and next to her mouth. Slowly, Spock nudged at the doors to Amanda's mind and, without her there to keep him out, began to explore it.

He saw only what he was looking for: her history in the Academy. A lot of it he already knew. She had a lot of friends who were very important to her, loved her classes, particularly languages and engineering, and enjoyed sparring. But then there was something he wasn't expecting: a relationship, one that she valued dearly. A romantic relationship with a _Vulcan_.

He was younger than Spock, but the science officer thought he recognized the student. Amanda's mind told him that his name was Sandek. It was a horrible match: a Vulcan and an Empath. A being that tried to feel nothing and another that couldn't help but feel everything. Amanda knew this but still she couldn't stop herself from falling for him. Sandek didn't help matters either. Spock saw everything: the times they spent together, the things she did to help him get through the Academy, how much she cared for him. And then he saw the day that it all changed: three days before they were expected to graduate, Amanda attempted to talk to Sandek while his family was visiting. He ignored her. As they walked away, Sandek's mother asked who she was, and his reply was, "No one."

It all came rushing towards him in a blur, and when he put it together, as Amanda slowly had at the time, it made a perfect picture. Sandek did not permit her to associate with him in public, and whatever Amanda wanted to do had to be at a time when no one would be around. There were quiet conversations and, at times, light kisses, but all of the good washed away with the sudden realization that Sandek didn't feel that Amanda was good enough for him. He was _ashamed_ of her.

The mind meld allowed him to feel how she was feeling, and it was awful. Spock was grateful that Vulcans were trained to control their emotions, because if this was what feeling led to, he wasn't missing anything.

And, to his dismay, it seemed to be this one small realization that kept Amanda from a successful and heroic career in Starfleet. Her relationship with Sandek succeeded in crushing every ounce of self esteem she had, and upon receiving news that her first assignment would be working alongside him on a small explorer ship, she turned in her resignation letter.

Suddenly, Spock's reviews of Amanda's memories were interrupted, and he felt himself being forced outside. He had never experienced anything like that before – a mind-meld was usually an unbreakable thing, solid as rock until the Vulcan who instigated it chose to withdraw. When he stood up straight and opened his eyes, Amanda's bright green orbs were staring back at him.

He didn't know what to say, so he waited for her to speak.

"I thought even Vulcans would have at least some respect for a person's privacy. I mean, what with you all being so private and all."

To Amanda's surprise, Spock began to lose his composure. "I – Uh…I apologize."

"Hope you enjoyed the show." Her eyes were cold. "Now please, get out."

Spock couldn't think of anything else to do, so he backed away from the cot and swiftly headed for the door. On his way back to his room, he stopped by McCoy's quarters to inform him that his patient had awoken. The grouchy doctor rambled off to the sick bay mumbling something about Vulcans having no respect for people's need to sleep.

Once he returned to his room, he undressed and got into bed to prepare for another sleepless night. He couldn't shake her, and as sorry as he was for having "invaded her privacy", he was glad to have some explanation for her dislike of Vulcans. For some reason, the whole situation really bothered him. He hoped that someday someone could change her mind about them. And, whether or not he wanted to admit it, he hoped that that someone might be him.

Eventually, Spock gave up on sleep and spent the rest of the night meditating, trying to remember how to stop feeling.

~*~

Spock left Amanda with a throbbing headache. She had heard about mind melds from culture studies courses and a little but from Sarek, but had never had one actually performed on her. It hurt like hell.

Minutes later, the door to the medical bay opened and a sleepy Dr. McCoy emerged.

"Ugh – why are _you_ here now?"

He looked at her with annoyance, "I'm the doctor. It's kind of my job."

Bones went to the corner of the room and seemed to be mixing or preparing something. When he turned towards her with a syringe in his hand, she shook her head at him. "You don't need to do that. I'm fine."

"It's for your own good. This way you won't feel any pain."

"The only pain I feel right now is a headache, so two ibuprofen will suit me just fine."

When Bones shook his head and started for the cot, she surprised him by raising her hand to the IV stuck in her arm and ripping the tube clean out. Had Spock been there, he would have smiled knowingly.

"No means no, Dr. McCoy."

"That was incredibly stupid." He yelled, turning to open a cabinet next to the bed. "Now I have to stop the bleeding."

Amanda shrugged, "I told you that I didn't want any more sedatives."

"And you've just proved that you need them more than ever."

She watched as he bandaged her arm. When he finished, she stood and held out an open hand. "Ibuprophen, please."

The doctor turned over the drugs, and Amanda headed for the door. "You can't leave!" he told her, placing his body between her and the exit. But all she had to do was give him a warning look, and the image of her ripping that tube out of her arm came back to him. He stepped aside.

"Don't worry, Bones. I'm fine." She assured him as they both left the room.

"I know. It's you becoming not fine in the near future that is the concern."

She smiled, "I'll be fine in the near future. I'm just going to get some sleep."

"Alright." Bones nodded, "But, do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Next time you tell us to blow something up, for Christ's sake, get us out of the way first!"

"I can't do everything, Bones." Amanda said as they continued down the hallway, "the crew of this ship is being paid for this. I'm not."

He laughed. "Well, after what happened yesterday I wouldn't be surprised if they offered you a job tomorrow."

Amanda didn't say anything, and she and Bones soon parted ways to get to their respective rooms. Her head was still throbbing by the time she changed for bed, and she was pleased to see that Jim had remembered to feed Dante while she was away. She took the pills, crawled into bed next to Dante, and fell fast asleep.

She had no idea that Spock was just a few doors down, doing everything he could to get her off his mind.


	12. Chapter 12: You Can't Stop Me

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you.**

**Thanks for the reviews and alert requests! Hope the story stays up to par with your expectations.**

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Chapter 12: You Can't Stop Me

The next morning, Kirk was waiting for her in the cafeteria.

"You seem to have a bad habit of getting yourself injured." He observed as she sat down next to him with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. "You should stop doing that."

"Gotcha." She nodded as she eagerly shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "Next time, I'll let the ship explode."

"Hungry much?"

"You have no idea." She mumbled through a mouthful of toast.

"I thought you might like to know that we're heading for Ghandilet. We should be there in a week."

Her smile could have lit up the room, "Thanks, Jim."

"Yeah, well, it's the least I could do." He told her with a shrug. 'What with you knocking yourself unconscious and breaking your ribcage to save my ship."

"Well, I apparently also succeeded in causing some serious damage to it in the process."

"Not as much as could have been caused by the wave." Scotty sat down at the table.

Amanda shook her head, "Spock would have done it if I hadn't."

Kirk nodded, "Yeah, you're probably right. But I'll admit, its great to have two geniuses on this ship. One is never enough."

She could sense the sarcasm, and smiled snidely back at him before getting up to leave.

"Going so soon?"

"I'm supposed to meet Chekov. He's going to help me give Dante a bath."

"You bathe that giant?" the Scotsman expressed disbelief.

"Someone's got to." She shrugged and headed for the door.

When she got to her room, Chekov was waiting outside.

"You sure you're up for this?" she asked him as they started inside.

"I helped to bathe the monkeys at the space center." He informed her. "I think that you might need my help. You are no bigger than the dog."

She laughed and propped open the bathroom door. "Okay then. Let's get started."

Dante didn't like baths, and pretty soon the entire room was covered in water and soap suds, effectively cleaning everything other than the dog. After about an hour's worth of chasing him around the room, Amanda and Chekov collapsed on the floor, doubled over with laughter.

Unexpectedly, the door to her room slid open, revealing an impeccably dressed Spock. Dante moved to run from the room, but a stern look from the commander stopped the dog in his tracks and he lied down on the floor obediently.

Chekov immediately jumped up to salute, which only made Amanda laugh harder. After a few moments, with Spock waiting patiently in silence, she propped herself up on her elbows.

"Afternoon, Commander."

Strange thing were happening to Spock's insides. Various emotions swam around his head, and he did his best to suppress them. For one, there was embarrassment at having interrupted an apparently intimate moment between Amanda and the ensign. After that, there was distaste for the unprofessional conduct of the ensign. Then, anger at the comfort between them. Finally, an unidentifiable emotion that made him reflect on the fact that he could never imagine himself lying on the floor, disheveled, soaking wet, and laughing till his sides hurt like the two of them were doing. It was just not something that a Vulcan would do. In fact, he wasn't even sure a Vulcan _could_ do it. Had he ever even chuckled?

The answer was no, he hadn't. He didn't even know how to start.

"Ensign, the Captain would like for you to report to the bridge for your shift."

Chekov nodded and walked swiftly from the room, stopping in the door way behind Spock to wave to Amanda with a smile.

"Thanks Pavel!" she called after him.

Spock was still standing stiffly in the doorway.

"Something else you needed, Commander?"

He looked as though he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he spun on one heel and hurried down the hall with speed only Vulcans possessed.

~*~

Spock hurried to the bridge to begin his shift. He was late, which was unusual for a Vulcan. He had found himself meditating a lot more than was usual lately.

He arrived just in time to catch the tail end of an argument between Amanda and Jim.

"But Jim, you promised!"

"I know, Amanda, I know. I was looking forward to a vacation too, but I just can't leave the bridge until we receive another transmission." He looked over at Spock, "Ah, Spock. Take a look at this."

The captain nodded to an ensign in the corner who tapped a button and an image appeared across the ship's windshield. The man in the image appeared to be Romulan.

"Captain Kirk," the message began, "I am most fortunate to have located your ship. Considering the recent events that our cultures have experienced together, my people and I believe that it has come time for us to reconcile. We would like to invite you aboard our ship for a discussion of a treaty."

Something about the tone of the messenger's voice made Spock uneasy.

"We will give you some time to think it over and, if necessary, to consult with your command. We will contact you soon for your response."

The transmission ended there. Spock could see why the captain was not anxious to leave the ship any time soon.

"It is entirely possible that the surface message is accurate and they wish to discuss the events of the past and to assure us of their peaceful intentions." When Jim looked at him with skepticism, he nodded, "But, considering the history of the Romulans, who tend to conquer species rather than negotiate with them, you may be correct in issuing skepticism."

"See, Amanda?"

His sister continued to look crossly at him.

"Not everything is about you." He told her. She appeared hurt by the insinuation.

"Of course not. But do I have to remind you that I wanted nothing to do with this? You promised me that we would visit Ghandilet. And now you're going back on your word, James Kirk."

"That only works when mom does it." He rose from his chair and crossed the room to Spock's station. "Get me stats about that Romulan ship. I want to know where it's going and who – and what – is on it."

Spock began tapping the computer screens while Amanda just stared at Kirk. She acted like Spock didn't exist.

"We can't go down there now. It's too risky. I'll bring you back."

"I'm going."

He looked at her sternly, "No, you're not."

"Yes I am."

"I'd like to see you try."

"You can't stop me."

"Just watch me."

"Very well then." She stormed off of the bridge, and the crew was silent upon her departure.

Spock turned to the captain as he took his chair, "You know she's going to try to get down there."

"Oh, she won't have to try. She'll do it."

"I will go after her."

Kirk smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks. She's a pain in the ass."

"She does appear to be quite a handful." Spock stared at the door she had stomped through moments earlier, as if he could still see her there.


	13. Chapter 13: Sneaking Out

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. I like reviews! Keep 'em comin!**

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**Chapter 13: Sneaking Out**

Everyone on the ship was asleep by the time Amanda made her way to the transporter room with Dante at her heels. Ensuring that she had gone undetected, she met Scotty inside.

"I can't thank you enough Scotty."

The engineer was clearly uneasy about the whole affair, "Yeah, well, just… come back alive, okay."

She grinned at him, the Ghandilens are a peaceful people. I'm just going to have a look around. Besides, I have Dante for protection."

"You want me to warp the monster?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. She only nodded and stepped up onto the platform.

"What is it about this planet, girlie?" he asked as he handed her a phaser and a tricorder. "You're all up in arms about it. Is the ground made out of rubies or something?"

"It's kinda personal." She explained, strapping the phaser around her waist. "I'll call you before the sun rises. Oh, and Scotty-" he looked up at her through the glass, "Thanks for doing this."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't get me into trouble."

She only smiled. "Energize."

Seconds after Amanda and Dante disappeared from the platform, Spock entered the room. Scotty sighed.

"Go on, get up there."

~*~

Amanda was beamed down onto the planet's grassy surface, and took a minute to adjust to the feeling and landing before she looked around at her surroundings.

It was more beautiful than she had expected, covered with grass, flowers, and trees. The land seemed undisturbed, so it looked like Scotty had been successful in his attempts to beam her away from living species. Off in the distance she could hear rapidly running water. She headed towards the sound.

She had been walking for about twenty minutes when she sensed someone behind her. She rolled her eyes and spun around.

"I _knew _it was too easy. I can't believe he sent a babysitter."

Spock emerged from the shadows, not really surprised that he had been unable to conceal his presence. "You are behaving like a child, and shall be treated as such." He explained with a shrug.

Even in the pale moonlight he could see her face flush with anger. "I am _not_ a child!"

"I only said that you were behaving like one. And with regard to that, I can only judge from what I observe."

She knew that if they continued on this path she would only get angrier, and she was determined to enjoy her limited time on the planet, so she turned around and continued in the direction she had been heading.

He didn't have to hurry to catch up with her – she was about a foot shorter than him and one of his strides was easily equal to two of hers.

"I did not mean to insult you."

She laughed shortly, "You call me a child and think that I won't be insulted?"

"I was just analyzing the situation. You were so determined to visit this planet that you contrived to betray your brother's trust and use his friend against him."

Amanda stopped in her tracks and shook her head firmly. "That was not at all what I was doing."

"On the contrary, it is exactly what the Captain predicted you would attempt."

"We're hovering right above it, how could we not beam down!?" She resumed walking, though more slowly this time, and reflected on Jim's clever estimation. "I guess he knows me too well. And besides, me getting to visit Ghandilet was a condition of my coming aboard."

"He is, after all, your brother. And, you're presence on the Enterprise was the result of Jim dragging you in unconscious. Conditions of the previous agreement may have been voided." Spock's hands were clasped behind his back as they walked peaceably alongside one another. "May I inquire as to the importance of this visit to you?"

"It's personal."

"Yes, you implied as much. I thought you might give me the actual reason."

"If I wouldn't tell Scotty, why would I tell you?"

Spock thought about this for a long moment. She didn't like or trust him, that much was clear. He was… hurt?

She looked at him, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. He could see her out of the corner of his eye.

"What is it?" he asked her after a while.

"I, uh…" She seemed to consider her next words and decided against using them, "Nothing. Nevermind."

They continued along their path in silence, but it was eventually deafening to Amanda.

"I can tell that you want to ask me something. Just ask."

The corner of his mouth cocked up in a half-smile. He couldn't hide anything from her, it seemed. "I would like to hear why you left Starfleet."

She looked at the ground. "Don't you already know?" She accused.

"I suppose I do," he frowned thoughtfully, "But I would like to hear it from you. Emotional transferrence with humans can be…confusing. But it was even more difficult to understand with an Empath. Most likely, the feelings were the result of the combination of your high emotional sensitivity and my analytical nature."

Several moments of silence followed and just as Spock was about to press further, Amanda spoke up. "I just didn't belong there, that's all."

"Your records tell a different tale."

"It's easy to be book smart." She told him, "But there's something else that people at Starfleet have." She paused and kicked at the dirt, "I don't know. I just don't have it in me."

"It is illogical to determine your self-worth based on the actions and opinions of one misguided individual."

She released a frustrated sigh. "It wasn't just Sandek, if that's where you're going with this." She was aware of Spock's intense stare boring a hole into her right cheek. "He just made it clearer."

"Made what clearer?"

"The fact that I wasn't good enough." She whispered harshly, but the silence of nightfall around her shouted her own words back to her loud and clear. "The way he looked at me…Or, I guess how he _didn't_ look at me – it was familiar. I'd seen it so many times before from so many other people."

A rare look of confusion crossed Spock's features.

"Okay, Jim is my half brother, right?" He nodded in response, "Well, I never knew my dad. He was a mistake: a lonely, one-night stand. _I'm_ the result of a mistake. A mistake made right here on this planet."

Spock didn't say anything. He was afraid that speaking up would make her realize how close they were to having an intimate moment, or even to becoming friends. He knew that if she realized this, she would shut him out again.

"My whole life, I've been half of something. Half a daughter, half a sister, half a Ghandilean, half a…human. How could I live up to Jim? Sure, he was a fuck up for a while, but he was the child of George Kirk. The war hero George Kirk. The result of a miracle and an amazing escape. I was…born from a night of indiscretion and too much Romulan wine."

"You believed that visiting this planet would contribute to the unity of your soul?" He asked with interest.

It took her a few seconds to answer. "I guess."

"And has your strategy been successful thus far?"

She smiled a grim smile. "The night is young."

"If I may?" Spock requested that he be allowed to speak his mind.

Amanda made a grand gesture with her arms, "But of course."

"Perhaps what you are looking for is something you will never find."

"Helpful. Thanks."

"I mean only to say that it is an emotional void that has formed after decades of feeling worthless and insufficient. You will not be able to fill such a hole. You are operating under urges from what I believe you humans refer to as the gut. Perhaps that is not the wisest course of action."

"Ugh that's such a Vulcan thing to say."

"And pray, tell me what is so offensive to you about the Vulcan way of life?"

"Life!? You call that life!?" She threw her arms up in the air theatrically, and Spock was taken by surprise at her sudden expression of enthusiasm. "_Humans_ feel things. And you look _down_ on us for that!"

When he didn't say anything in response, she went on.

"We have to feel things. If you don't feel the bad, you can't distinguish it from the good. Emotion is what lets us in on what life is all about."

"And you know what else emotions do? They bring out irrational behavior that we cannot control. The kind of behavior that puts a genius like Scotty at an outpost on Delta Vega, makes a ship full of angry Romulans seek revenge for the loss of their planet. It brings out the kind of behavior that makes women like you run scared of their future. If these are the events that feelings bring, then I believe that I can exist quite well without them."

Amanda only shrugged, knowing from experience that the argument would get her nowhere. "To each his own."

"Wise advice." The commander nodded. He was trying to think like a human. What could he say that would ease the tension between them? "Besides. As I am only half-Vulcan, perhaps your animosity is a bit misplaced."

It was as if he had dropped a bomb on her head. Amanda stopped in her tracks so suddenly and quietly, Spock had moved almost ten feet before he noticed she was not at his side.

When he looked back at her, she was shaking her head. "But you – You look – "

"The Vulcan traits are dominant. My mother was human. Her name, coincidentally, was also Amanda."

"Was?"

"Her life was taken when Vulcan was destroyed by Captain Nero."

Her shock turned to sorrow, "I'm so sorry." She hurried to catch up to him. "Well," she said after a few minutes, "That explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Part of the reason I liked being alone with Sandek," Amanda explained, "Was because he effectively blocked all of his feelings. It was like being with a completely blank slate. For once, I could hear myself think. I knew how I was feeling, not how _everyone_ _else_ around me was feeling." It had been a while since she had really reflected on her time with Sandek, and she found that it wasn't as difficult as it once had been. "When I'm with you – I get feelings." Realizing how that might have sounded, she hurried to clarify. "I mean, I feel you feeling things. Sometimes. Not as much as with humans, but a little."

He nodded, but she could see that he was a little disappointed at his inability to be completely analytical. "Vulcans do not lack emotions entirely, we just learn to control them so that they do not control us." Since they were on this open track, Spock decided to go for another question. "Empathy – that is a trait that is found in many Ghandileans. If you were born here, may I infer – "

"That I am half Ghandilean? Yes. My mother was studying the planet's geography and seismic activity when she met my father." The tables had turned, and now she was looking at _him_ with keen interest.

Maybe it was the Ghandilean air, or the way the moonlight lit up Spock's smooth face, but was she starting to actually _like_ him?

And that swirly, topsy-turvy, ate-way-too-many-m&ms-at-the-theatre-and-ready-to-puke-them-all-up feeling – she recognized that feeling. Was she actually _attracted _to him?

Not a chance.


	14. Chapter 14: Under A Ghandilean Moon

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. I like reviews! Keep 'em comin!**

Chapter 14: Under a Ghandilean Moon

Spock's revelation that he was half-human comforted Amanda greatly. It comforted her because while Vulcans can give off the impression that they are perfect in every way, _humans_ have _flaws._ And a lot of the time, they have _many flaws_.

So, like any curious individual would do, she started scanning Spock's face for those human flaws.

Too bad she didn't find any.

The pale evening glow cast a shadow across his face that was peaceful and mysterious all at once. Those signature Vulcan eyebrows that at times seemed immovable actually did betray inflection when he allowed them to, and though they were the feature that would most likely be most unusual to humans, they didn't really bother her at all. They were just curtains to prepare the casual onlooker for those eyes.

Spock's eyes were incredible. She'd never taken the time to study them properly before, and now that she was gazing at them she could see that they were truly magnificent. They were an amber color, lighter than she would have expected from a Vulcan. She wondered if perhaps they were a trait that he received from his mother. She could just get lost in those eyes.

She was walking alongside him, and so she had a profile view which allowed her a perfect view of his other distinctly Vulcan attribute: his ears. She knew from her times with Sandek that they were extremely sensitive to the touch. The delicate points at the tops were not as outrageous in appearance as one might have expected them to be. On the contrary, they looked almost – natural when combined with the angular features characteristic to Vulcans. She wondered if their hair would remain that perfectly coiffed if they didn't maintain it. How often would they have to cut it, anyway?

The differences between humans and Vulcans had always interested her, and it had been a while since she had been so close to one. She had forgotten how much they…turned her on.

Amanda shook her head vigorously. She couldn't believe that she had just allowed herself to think that! What kind of a lonely, sex starved fiend was she!? All because she happened to be alone on a romantic island strolling along side an attractive Vulcan. A very attractive Vulcan. Okay, possibly the most attractive Vulcan she had ever encountered.

She soon decided that maybe she needed fluorescent lighting to properly judge.

"Are you alright?"

His words pulled her out of her reverie. Spock watched her face flush with embarrassment, though he wasn't sure why she would feel that way.

"Yeah." She nodded and shook her head vigorously once more. "Yeah I'm fine."

They walked further in silence, until Amanda's thoughts got the better of her and she had to quench her curiosity. "So, since we're being nosy…" Second thoughts made her trail off.

"Yes, cadet?"

"I'm not a cadet anymore."

"Seeing as you do not have a permanent position on Starfleet, I'm not sure what else to call you."

"How about 'Amanda'?"

"I suppose that is acceptable. Now, the question?"

"Ah, yeah. Umm. I wanted to ask you – I don't know why – I just, I heard something – That seems a bit uncharacteristic of you – "

"You wish to inquire about Lieutenant Uhura and I?"

She was surprised by his willingness to address the subject matter. She had expected him to cleverly avert his eyes and comment about the nature of the purple tree bark on Ghandilet.

"Well, yes. I realize it's none of my business, but –"

For some reason, Spock found himself wanting to explain the situation to her. Wanting to clarify it for her, so she didn't get the wrong idea. "The Lieutenant and I maintain a close relationship, though it is no longer what it once was. It is not sensible to attempt to maintain a relationship in such close quarters."

"Quite the contrary, Commander, that's usually how it's done." She informed him with a cheeky grin. He took her insinuation with a raised eyebrow and a slight smile that made her stomach do a flip (though she quickly decided that the effect had begun because of the thin air on the planet). "So, you dated?"

Spock smiled at the oversimplification. "I suppose you could address it like that, yes."

"But you wouldn't address it like that?"

"Nhira and I.. We never actually went on what humans refer to as a 'date.' Therefore, I do not believe that it is logical to refer to it as 'dating'."

"Well, what did you do then?"

"We –" He tried to think of a better way to describe their relationship, "We talked."

"About what?"

"Things, Amanda, about things."

She took that as a cue to be quiet.

"Now, perhaps I may make a similar inquiry?"

"But of course, Commander. What is it that you would like to ask?"

"I wish to inquire about the nature of your relationship with Ensign Chekov."

Spock watched her reaction carefully. She smiled and looked down at the ground shyly, and he felt his heart drop, but for what reason, he could not discern.

"Pavel is a dear friend."

He needed more clarification, and decided to get right to the point. "Do you love him?"

She was startled by the abrupt question, but the surprise was soon overtaken by a shrug and she countered him with another question of her own. "In what way?"

"I wasn't aware that there was more than one way to love someone."

"Of course there is. The ancient Greeks had four, in fact."

Spock's eyebrows came together in concentration, "I am not familiar with this aspect of human history."

"The ancient Greeks had four ways to describe love: Eros, which is passionate love, like sexual attraction, Philia, that's love for close friends, Storge is the kind of "Blood is thicker than water" family love, and the fourth one is Agape."

When she didn't continue, Spock pressed: "And Agape is?"

"Its – indescribable love." She told him. "It's the highest form that love can take. Unconditional love for others in spite of their character flaws and weaknesses. It's extremely difficult to attain because we're usually more concerned with ourselves than with the world around us."

He nodded reflectively.

"I suppose the love that I feel for Pavel is the philia kind."

She was answered by another nod. Spock was consuming the information carefully, probably trying to line up his various relationships to their appropriate designations under the Greek characterizations of Love. Once she figured out that he was thoroughly distracted, she took the opportunity to peel away.

It was several minutes before Spock pulled himself away from his innermost thoughts to realize that Amanda was gone.

Panic gripped him: how could he be so stupid? How did her disappearance go unnoticed? He forced himself to calm down and listen carefully for her footfalls.

He followed her trail to a waterfall about 100 yards away. He did not immediately see her, but he knew that she was there based on the trail that disappeared into the water, right next to a pile of clothes.

She was there, underneath that waterfall, alright. Naked.


	15. Chapter 15: Midnight Swim

**Hey guys! Sorry this took so long - I've gotten really wrapped up in writing my thesis. But, here is an update. More sexual tension. I promise, we're getting to the climax! Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. I like reviews! Keep 'em comin!**

Chapter 15: Moonlight Swim

Spock looked nervously from side to side, as if he was afraid he would see some voyeur peeking through the trees at her. She had swum out of sight, but his sensitive ears could pick up the sound of her slinking through the water at lighting speed; she was clearly a water baby.

A fearsome-looking Dante emerged from the brush and trotted over to lay by her clothes, looking at Spock accusingly.

"What? I'm not looking!" he found himself telling her pet defensively. He had forgotten that Amanda had brought Dante with her after the dog had peeled away from them to explore the rest of the forest. Now he had emerged to guard his owner during her bath.

Spock moved around a large rock sticking up from the ground to speak to her.

"Do you think it wise to – "

She had come into view , standing directly underneath the water with her back to him. He was shocked to see an image of a colorful phoenix curling its way down her back and around her left hip. She seemed to feel his stare and clutched her chest protectively as she looked over her shoulder at him.

"What?"

"Wh – I – Um, uh – nothing. I apologize. I did not realize that you were indisposed."

She smirked. "It's a tattoo."

"I see that."

"So you look like I have a giant spider on my back." Though he had apologized, Spock hadn't turned around. She sank down into the water, feeling hot under his stare.

Seeing her uncomfortable response, he remembered his manners and turned his back to her. "I was surprised to see it, that's all."

"Don't think I'm the tattoo type?" Her voice, suddenly closer to him, startled him.

"On the contrary, you seem quite the proverbial wild child."

She laughed and he heard the water splash a little. "I don't know about that. Gonna just stand there all night or are you going to join me?"

"Such conduct would not be becoming of a Star Fleet officer." Spock was glad that it was dark outside and his back was to her so that she could not see the heat that he felt rise up from underneath the collar of his uniform. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to rid them of the image of her bare back, soft and smooth under the cool moonlight. But it was no use – the image was burnt onto the backs of his eyelids.

"How did I know that's what you'd say?" She mused with a chuckle. When he didn't respond, she decided to resume their previous conversation. "So, you and Uhura. You're not…together?"

Spock breathed in sharply through his nose at the question. "No."

"Why not?"

"We both agreed that such conduct would not be…professional."

"So you just broke up because you thought you were being unprofessional?"

"There were other reasons."

"Like what?"

Spock turned around swiftly, and Amanda jumped back down into the water. She had moved closer to talk to him, and beneath the water he could see a blurred but still tantalizing glimpse of her figure. She turned and moved away, and he saw the splash of colors across her back once more. He was struck by how natural she looked there, almost like she belonged as part of the wild scenery.

"You ask a lot of questions."

She ducked under the clear water and reemerged seconds later, partially hidden by a palm.

"I'm curious."

"Don't you humans have a phrase associated with that?"

"Curiosity killed the cat?"

"Yes, I believe that is it."

"I'm not worried."

"Such a formidable warning, it is illogical to not be concerned."

"I guess I'm an illogical woman."

Spock smiled at her in that distinctly Vulcan way, cocking his head slightly to the side and raising his eyebrows. "That would seem to be the case."

She took his question-dodging to mean that he wasn't ready for them to get that personal yet, and moved back to her original question. "You don't feel inclined to enjoy the water at all?"

"I don't believe that such conduct would be professional."

"No need to be professional here." She said with a shrug. "I won't tell."

Spock was torn, for the first time in a long time. On the one hand, he knew that he had to keep his composure. So what if he got into the water? He wouldn't know what to do – how to act. He would be completely awkward. Counter-productive.

But, he really wanted to let loose. For one time in his life.

Human versus Vulcan. His two personalities were beating the crap out of each other.

The Vulcan won, and Spock shook his head as he moved away to sit on the sand and wait for Amanda to finish swimming. She moved around to prop herself onto a rock on her elbows and looked at Spock with a smirk. "Don't they take baths where you're from?"

"A bath seems like a most inefficient way to get oneself clean."

"There's soap in my bag. Will you hand it to me?"

Spock did as she asked and handed over a jar of thick brown goo.

"I made it." She told him as she unscrewed the lid and set it on the rock. "Brown sugar, citrus, all kinds of interesting stuff."

When she opened the jar, he could instantly pick up the familiar smell that was always present when Amanda was in a room. It made sense that she made it herself – he had never smelled anything like it before. He watched as she scooped some out in her hand and began rubbing her arms with it.

Suddenly, something unusual began happening to Spock. He was _feeling_. He couldn't explain it – there was a feeling he had never had before, a deep burning in the pit of his stomach, moving slowly down into his loins. He felt an overwhelming urge to be the one rubbing her arms. And other parts of her as well.

He couldn't understand it. Vulcans were not supposed to feel sexual desire at all. At least, not until pon farr came upon them, and even then it was supposed to be desire to mate with only their betrothed. But, he was relatively positive that this was the feeling that he was experiencing. He had read about it.

It took all of his Vulcan strength to control himself.

Amanda sensed his discomfort and moved further behind the rock to finish her bath. She contemplated asking Spock to help with her hair but decided against it. She figured if he wouldn't even get in the water, he definitely wouldn't help a naked woman wash her hair. She finished bathing and whistled to Dante, who brought her towel over to her in his teeth.

She emerged from behind a boulder wrapped up in the towel, wet hair hanging loosely around her face, and Spock found himself too distracted to even hand her clothes over to her. She gave him an odd look, picked them up, and moved behind the boulder once more. When she emerged, she was fully clothed. She settled down next to Spock on the sand and pulled a peach out of her bag.

"Want one?"

Spock shook his head wearily. His mind was on other things.

Amanda shrugged and took a large bite out of it. She allowed her mind to drift over the situation that they were currently in and she started to laugh maniacally.

"What is the reason for this?" She looked at Spock out of the corner of her eye and saw that he was clearly annoyed by her outburst.

"It's nothing." She tried to play off the incident but could see that this wasn't going to work for him. "It's just – doesn't this situation strike you as peculiar?"

"I don't think that I understand."

"I mean you, me, here. Moonlight and stars and all. Borderline romantic."

Spock wasn't sure where she was going with this. Did Amanda think that there was something between them? Or was she implying that _he_ thought that there was something between them?

She saw that he was still confused. "It's just – we're not exactly the right duo for this scenario, are we?"

Oh. So that was what she meant.

He experienced a strange sensation. A feeling. Was it… disappointment?

"Not that you're not – I mean," Amanda had sensed that he was offended, "Not that you're not attractive or anything. Just that we – you and I – we're not. We couldn't be – "

"I understand, Amanda." Spock told her and stood up abruptly, "I think we should head back to the ship. Your brother will have begun to worry."

"Commander, I didn't mean anything by it." Amanda was insisting, but she could feel that her words were only making things worse.

"Are you finished here?"

She looked out towards the waterfall again and felt Spock's emotions settle down. For the first time, she realized how deeply feelings ran for him. He was right – Vulcans only learned to suppress their feelings. As half-human, it would be more difficult for him to control them.

Spock could see her mind working. No one else would have detected the crack in his armor. Being around her was hazardous to his reputation.

Amanda patted Dante on the head absent-mindedly. "You can go back. Dante and I are long overdue for a game of fetch."

"I cannot leave you here."

"Then you're going to have to suck it up."


	16. Chapter 16: Honesty

Chapter 16: Honesty

Amanda walked away without looking to see if he was following her. He was somewhat predictable. She knew that he would be there.

She found a clearing and a large stick and threw it to Dante. Spock watched from about two feet behind her as the dog trotted back and forth.

"I had been meaning to inquire – on Tattooine, the Cabaret. Why did you end up there?" She tossed the stick once more and didn't turn when she spoke to him.

"It was a change of scenery."

"It was reckless."

"I feel like we've been down this road before."

"I am just trying to understand."

"You're not trying very hard." She spun around. "You can't understand why someone wouldn't act like you, or do the things you do. I'm not you, Spock."

It took him a moment to figure out what stood out to him about it. Then he realized: she had said his name, and for the first time, it didn't feel formal. He liked it.

"I enjoyed it. I enjoy independence. I want to stay as far away from emotional obligations as I can."

"And you found solace on Tattooine?"

"Yes."

Spock watched her make a few more throws. "I'm sorry if you do not like me."

Amanda could feel that he meant it. She felt guilty. "It's not – I don't think that it's that I don't like you. I don't really know why I feel like this."

He nodded. "Vulcans have a negative connotation for you. I understand that."

"No," she shook her head and furrowed her brow, "I mean, it's true. But I don't see why, after having talked to you, I wouldn't be able to get over it."

They were discussing her psyche, and Amanda could feel how uncomfortable he was with the subject.

"Sorry. I know feelings aren't your forte."

"It's quite alright."

"I really don't know whether or not I want to hate you. Sometimes I totally do. Sometimes, I'm not sure. I feel like I start to like you."

He smiled. "I would find that acceptable."

"But then I talk myself out of it."

"Maybe you shouldn't do that."

"Does it really bother you that much?" She was back to throwing the stick.

"Yes, it does." He clasped his hands behind his back in that quintessential "Spock" way, "I think that I feel similar to the way you do. I do not understand why it bothers me, but it does. And it is only logical that when once faces a problem that makes him uncomfortable, he should try to rectify it."

"Uncomfortable? Us not getting along makes you uncomfortable?"

He _was_ uncomfortable. That much she could tell.

"Well, in a way, yes. It does."

She nodded and looked thoughtfully off into the distance where Dante was searching for the stick. He ran back to her and she pulled it from his teeth. "Well then I guess I'll have to try a little harder to get along."

The lift in the mood was obvious.

"I guess I'm ready to go back now."

"Very well then." Spock pulled out his communicator and summoned Scottie. A minute later, they were being transported back to the Enterprise.


	17. Chapter 17: Urgency

Chapter 17: Urgency

They retired to their respective rooms, and Amanda found that despite having felt very tired towards the end of their sojourn, she didn't feel quite ready to go to sleep. Instead, she sat up in her bed for a long while petting Dante and watching films displayed holographically against the far wall of her room. She liked old movies – something she had gotten from constantly watching them with her grandmother as a child.

She thought about her trip to Ghandilet and wondered aloud whether it actually did anything to help her feel more connected to something. She eventually decided that it had. To what, she wasn't sure. She had been hoping for a few days to explore the planet and talk to the people there, perhaps finding someone who had been acquainted with her father at some point in time. But despite the short amount of time she had experienced there, she knew that it wasn't a waste.

Amanda also thought about Spock. She thought about him a lot. Too much. It seemed that no matter where her thoughts brought her, what train she was on, the tracks always veered right smack dab into Spock.

She was confused by him. A Vulcan with emotions. It was strange and new. And as much as she wanted to stay away, something inside her knew that the effort was futile.

~*~

Spock walked back to his room alone, which was a good thing because had anyone been there with him, or had anyone been awake long enough to hear him walk by, they might have heard the Vulcan humming to himself in a distinctly un-Vulcan way.

He felt good. Really good. For the first time in he didn't remember how long.

It was not easy, being half-Vulcan and half-Human. It was as if a war was constantly being waged inside his head. He felt things very strongly, but was also trained to have self control. It was only in these moments, when he was sure that no one was around, that he allowed himself to embrace the human side for a bit. It was just a few moments, but Spock knew that it was those moments that kept him sane.

Of course, he had to be careful. He was immensely proud of his Vulcan heritage and in so being felt obligated to represent his people well. That meant being cold, distant, and intelligent. A living, breathing, calculator.

And so it irked him to no end that Amanda made him ashamed of those qualities that he had always been taught to treasure above all others. His mother had done the same thing. No, she hadn't actually _said_ the things to him that Amanda had the nerve to say, but he could always see it on her face. Disappointment. It haunted him every time he spoke to her. And now, he understood it. What must it have been like for a human mother to have a son who never told her he loved her? Sure, there had been a few moments, particularly when he was young, but aside from those small gestures, there was nothing. Kisses were alien to Vulcans. Hugs, even stranger.

But for some reason, Amanda's opinion of him mattered. Almost more than his mother's had. While the look of disappointment on his mother's face had made him want to cry, that same look on Amanda's face made him want to rip his hair out and flagellate himself. It was agonizing.

And it was for that reason that their evening together had made him so, dare he think it, happy. For the first time, he felt like she had really looked at him. Looked at him without feeling sorry for him. She had seen him as an equal.

For Spock, that was definitely cause to celebrate.

~*~

"And so the prodigal daughter returns."

Amanda rolled her eyes at Jim's comment when she put her tray down on the table.

"How are you, wayward traveler?"

"I cannot fathom what it is that you're referring to." She maintained her innocence with a honey-sweet smile.

The rest of the officer corps sat down and Jim didn't mention her midnight excursion again.

"Have you heard any peeps out of the Romulans?" She asked her brother between bites of a bagel.

Jim shook his head. "Which reminds me, Spock – we have a meeting at 1100."

"Yes, Captain. Scottie told me."

The atmosphere between Amanda and Spock was strange, and everyone could feel it. They weren't sure how to act around each other, or where to go after the intimacy of the night before. For Amanda, talking was the way to get around it.

"It's probably nothing. They just want to clear the air. It's what I'd do if you went rogue and tried to kill a bunch of people." She told Jim with a shrug.

"Yeah, well, we'll see about that I guess. Something tells me they won't be that friendly, considering that their entire future has just been wiped away."

"You'd think that would be a _good _thing. Clean slate and all."

"Spock, are you feeling alright?"

Bones was looking at the Commander with concern. When Amanda followed his gaze, she saw that Spock had completely zoned out, with his eyes fixated on her mouth. She coughed harshly and brought her napkin up as if she was wiping her mouth. Spock immediately composed himself.

"Apologies, Dr. McCoy, I am quite fine. Just thinking about the Romulans."

Amanda could feel Uhura's angry eyes boring into her from her place next to Spock. She tried to ignore it. Spock left moments later, followed by everyone except Jim and Bones. Her brother looked at her expectantly.

"Well?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Well, what?"

"What the hell was that?"

"Was what?"

"Oh, come on. Spock was making goo goo eyes at you all throughout breakfast."

Bones snorted. "Jim, I don't know if they were necessarily goo goo eyes. I don't think Vulcans know how to make goo goo eyes."

"Well, whatever. He was staring."

"So? You heard him – he was just lost in throught."

"Sure, he was."

Amanda rolled her eyes and swiftly made her way from the room, heading for the engineering deck. She turned down another hallway and almost crashed head-first into Lieutenant Uhura.

"Oh – Uhura – I'm sorry, I didn't see you."

"It's fine." Uhura said, but her expression seemed to say something different. "I had wanted to talk to you anyway."

"Oh?" Amanda was genuinely surprised. "What did you need?"

"It's not really something I needed. I just – wanted to warn you."

"Warn me?" she asked, taken aback.

"Yeah. Spock – I've seen you two getting…closer."

"The Commander and I maintain a strictly professional relationsh-"

"Yeah, well, listen – he's not relationship material. You might as well not bother."

Amanda was offended by the intrusion, but forced a smile. "Trust me, Uhura, I know all about Vulcans and their emotional deficits."

Uhura's response was a stern nod. She spun abruptly on one heel and headed down the hallway away from Amanda.

Amanda's head was reeling as she continued to the engineering deck. What had Uhura been aiming at? Was it a real warning, or just a jealous ex talking? She could understand what the lieutenant was saying, of course, but for it to come from her? It didn't seem like Uhura even _liked_ her – why would she want to warn her about anything?

Her musings must have brought her to mumble aloud, because as she stepped onto one of the platforms on the engineering deck, she came face-to-face with a confused Scottie.

"Who're you talking to, little lady?"

"Myself." She told him honestly. "The only one who listens."

"Ah I don't think so." He shook his head at her. "What brings you to my neck o' the woods, anyhow?"

"I was going to ask if I could hang around. Learn the ropes a little. I'm getting bored around here with nothing to do."

"Well, of course. Just come on down here and we'll see what we can put you to work on."

~*~

Amanda had been messing around on the Engineering deck for a few hours when she headed back up to get some lunch and find another way to amuse herself. She was sitting in her room timing herself disassembling and reassembling phasers when the doors slid swiftly open to reveal Spock standing expectantly at the entrance. She did not look at him, preferring to continue messing with the phaser she was working on. Once she had finished, she stopped the timer and looked up to see him looking at her passively.

"Yes?"

"Your brother has been summoned by the Romulans. I thought you might want to be on deck when he boarded the ship."

"Why didn't you say so?!" She practically yelled, holstering a phaser in the black belt against her tight purple skirt. "Let me sit there playing around while my brother is on a diplomatic mission!" She was muttering as she swept past him into the hallway.

It was not hard for Spock to keep up with her as they headed towards the bridge. "How has your day been thus far?" he asked.

"Alright I guess. Just hung around with Scottie for a while."

"It would seem to me that you are bored." He observed smartly.

"That's because I am."

"If you like, I could familiarize you with the Science Station next. It may not be as interesting as the Engineering deck, but I find that it suffices to keep me entertained."

"That would be great." She said with a smile.

They reached the bridge within a minute. The air was tense, and Amanda could see that Jim had already left for the ship.

"No one went with him?" she immediately asked.

"It was a condition of the agreement." Sulu explained to her, "He had to go alone."

"Does he at least have some kind of protection?"

"I assure you, your brother is a very capable human being." Amanda looked over her shoulder to see that Spock had taken his seat at the Science Officer's Station once more. Uhura's eyes had been on them since they walked in, and she could still feel the lieutenant staring at her. She moved to crouch next to Ensign Chekov, ruffling his hair playfully as she did so.

"The Captain has reached the ship and docked."

"How long do we wait?"

"If we do not hear from him within the hour, I will consider it a hostage situation." Spock told her.

Everyone was eerily silent as they sat in wait. Amanda wondered if they all felt as helpless as she did. Exactly fifteen minutes later, the bridge began bustling with alarm. Radar began going off loudly all over the ship, and probably loudest on the bridge. Amanda covered her ears and tried to hide her panic and stay out of everyone's way.

"They've locked weapons on us!"

"Fire warbirds!"

Amanda looked at Spock, who had taken his interim place in the captain's chair. He assumed the role of authority casually, and it looked good on him. He seemed suddenly more handsome from his perch there.

Hearing the banging and zipping sounds coming from below them on the ship, she snapped her head around to the command intelligence display (the ship's version of the front windshield) and watched in shock as two small metal objects zipped across the empty space towards the Romulan ship.

"My brother's on that ship!" She cried out, gripping the handrail in anguish.

"We have to fire back. Have we been hit?" Spock asked Sulu, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"No. Something must be wrong with their navigational system."

"Can we take them?"

"Not now." Chekov shook his head. "We would have to take down the whole ship."

"Out of the question." Amanda asserted. Everyone on the bridge looked from her to Spock. The Commander himself was looking at her, slightly perturbed.

"Move to warp, but keep track of the ship. We need to get away from their weapons. They're missing now, but I do not think it would be advisable for us to be here when they fix their systems."

"We can't just leave him there!"

"Amanda, be quiet."

Something about the look on Spock's face made her shut up. It was a few seconds before the now-familiar feeling of the ship moving into warp took over her, shortly followed by the paradoxical still and silence of whipping through space at the speed of light.

She felt that she'd been silent long enough. "What's the plan? When are we going back?" No one responded. "We _are_ going back, aren't we?" Still no response. "So you're just going to let them kill him?"

Spock stood up suddenly. "We do not know, Amanda. We do not know if there is anything we can do yet. We need to summon the proper authorities and see what negotiations can accomplish."

"You all are so full of shit! _He'd _go back for _you!_"

Before he could respond, she had run from the room.


	18. Chapter 18: Time to Take Action

Chapter 18: Time to Take Action

It was several minutes before Spock could break away from the bridge to go looking for Amanda under the pretense of needing to speak with Scottie. He hurried down the hall and let himself into her room but was surprised to find it empty.

He had just finished checking the bathroom and the closet – he didn't know why, but he imagined that she could have been hiding – when he received a call from Uhura.

"Captain, one of the shuttlecrafts has just left the ship without permission."

Spock practically ran back to the bridge, knowing full well who had taken it.

~*~

Spock arrived on the bridge in a matter of seconds and brought with him an air of tenseness and irritation. No one wanted to see what he was about to say to Amanda once the Enterprise made contact with the shuttlecraft.

"She has gone into warp, Captain." Sulu informed him.

"Uhura, get her on the screen. _Now._"

A few moments later, Amanda's familiar face appeared across the monitor.

"Good evening, Commander."

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Spock's sudden emotional outburst startled everyone in the room.

"I'm saving my brother, Spock. He saved me. I'm not just going to sit there and let god-knows-what happen to him like you cowards."

"Get back here right now!"

"Hmmm… no, I don't think so." The nonchalance with which she shook her head infuriated him.

"Amanda, as acting captain of this vessel I command you to return to the Enterprise at once."

"And as acting captain of _this_ vessel, I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request."

"To set off without a plan of attack is illogical."

"Spock, I am NOT leaving my brother in the hands of angry Romulans. Does that compute for you?"

The flashback hit Spock like a rock. Hadn't her brother said almost the exact same words to him no longer than a year ago? It hurt more this time. Perhaps they hadn't made up as much ground as he thought they had.

Amanda ended the transmission before he could find the words to respond.

"Set a course for pursuit."

~*~

Amanda drew a ragged breath as she pressed the button that made Spock's face disappear into dark static. She couldn't believe that she'd spoken to him that way, but she knew that it was necessary. She had more important things to worry about now… Like what exactly it was she planned to do about Jim.

~*~

"Captain, a human from the Enterprise is requesting permission to dock her vessel here. She says she wants to see Captain Kirk."

Captain Gorga frowned thoughtfully as he considered what his first officer was telling him. "_She?_ And this _girl_ is in her own ship? Where is the Enterprise?"

"As yet, still off radar. She says that she came alone. To negotiate."

The Captain laughed out loud. "Well then, prepare the second cell. Who are we to refuse a guest?"


	19. Chapter 19: Dinner By Phaserlight

**Thanks to all who have added me recently! I know, I haven't updated in forever. Between school starting and the new rush of work I have had all these ideas and no time to do them justice in my word processor. BUT, here it is, another chapter, finally! Let me know what you think! I'll have the next ones up ASAP!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar to you. Amanda is mine. Leave her be. :)

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Chapter 19: Dinner By Phaserlight

Amanda was ushered out of the shuttlecraft and up a ramp, into the belly of the Romulan ship.

The first thing that she noticed was the darkness – the Romulans were definitely not concerned about making their way around the ship. She thought that she had read somewhere that Romulans had exceptional night vision, and now she assumed that it must be true. Gradually her eyes adjusted to the darkness as they wound their way around the ship.

She didn't like the way they were looking at her. It was apparent as their eyes darted back and forth from her to the hallway ahead and back again that there was something they felt like they knew that she didn't. Amanda didn't like not being in the know.

Their journey ended at the entryway to a large, open room with a long slender table in the middle of it. Did the captain plan to discuss Jim's release with her over dinner?

The answer was a decided yes. Upon entering the room, Amanda saw a firm-looking man casually slung over his chair, right leg propped up on the armrest, his left hand preoccupied with a pewter goblet on the tabletop.

"Welcome. You must be…Amanda Kirk."

She didn't say anything, choosing to hang wearily by the far wall. The dimly lit room cast shadows upon his face and made him look decidedly more sinister than he probably looked during the day time.

"I am Captain Hatot. Please, join me."

"I already ate." She answered his English with Romulan, and she saw him smile a wide but frightening smile.

"I don't believe you."

Their conversation continued in Romulan from that point on.

"Your mastry of the Romulan language is exceptional. Where did you learn?"

"Star Fleet Academy."

He laughed out loud and the light glittered off of his teeth. "Star Fleet doesn't teach high council Romulan."

She only shrugged in response.

"Amanda, please sit. Your pacing is exhausting me."

Amanda hadn't realized that she had been pacing. She looked down at her wayward feet accusingly before conceding and taking a seat directly across from the Captain at the long table.

"And what brings you to my humble abode?"

She noticed that although they were seated at a table piled high with food, the captain had yet to take a bite of anything.

Her mouth straightened into a thin line as she met his gaze evenly, "I think you know why I'm here."

"Indeed." He took a sharp breath in through his nose and lifted his goblet of wine to his lips. "And what do you propose?"

"I don't suppose you'll just let me walk out with him?"

He laughed harshly. "Not a chance."

"How about a trade then?"

His eyebrows lifted, showing Amanda that he was intrigued by this possibility.

"You for your brother?"

She nodded.

"This is an interesting display of bravado." They locked glares coolly. He was daring her to stand by her offer.

"The offer stands, Captain."

"Why would I take you in place of him? Isn't he… worth a bit more?"

"That all depends on your definition of worth."

A servant rushed up to the Captain with a plate of figs, he grasped two between his fingers and put pressure on them until the pits popped out in an angry manner. "How do you mean?"

"Jim is the captain of a starship. He's also a pain in the ass, and Star Fleet won't stop coming after you until they get him back." When the servant came to her side, she too took a fig but didn't dare attempt to replicate the demonstration that he had made. She peeled it apart gingerly with her fingers, trying to channel her nervousness. "I, on the other hand, am more intelligent. More knowledgeable about Star Fleet and the way things run, and less important. I think that I could contribute more to your escapades."

"Ah, my dear, you are acting under the assumption that I wanted to torture your brother for information or otherwise keep him around. I mean to kill him, you know."

Amanda felt the cold hand of terror grab ahold of her heart and begin to squeeze droplets of frozen blood from it.

"It would be a grand statement, don't you think?"

In a flash Amanda's hand dipped below the table to grasp the phaser that she had strapped to the inside of her boot. But before she could raise it to meet the captain's cruel eyes he was behind her, twisting her arm backwards, out of its socket.

Seconds later, she fell into darkness.


	20. Chapter 20: The Great Escape

Hello All! Sorry for the wait yet again, but I promise that this action-packed chapter will make up for it! Lovemaking to begin soon (hopefully in the next chapter!)

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Chapter 20: The Great Escape

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Amanda awoke later in a surprisingly warm and comfortable bed, surrounded by dark curtains. She sat bold upright but immediately fell back from the rush of warmth that hit her brain. She was squinted at a crack in the curtains, trying to see through them if there were any other people outside. When she didn't see anything, she cautiously pulled it to the side.

To her chagrin, Hatot was sitting in a large chair behind a desk, looking over a large map of the fourth quadrant.

"That was a very foolish thing you tried to do." He muttered, not looking up at her.

She slipped off of the bed but kept away from him. From the corner of her eye, she peered at the door, planning an escape.

"It's locked."

It was as if he could read her mind.

"I have decided," he told her while folding the map, "That I will let you talk to your brother. Just once."

Amanda was too shocked to respond. She just stood there, completely still, staring at him.

"And then, I'll kill him." He smiled when he saw her face flush appealingly with anger. "But you, I plan to keep around."

"I dare you to try." She crouched slightly like a cat ready to pounce.

"I wouldn't if I were you." He advised, standing. He rang a large bell and a moment later the lock in the door clicked and another three Romulans emerged. "Take the lady to see her brother. They can speak, supervised by Tantem, for fifteen minutes."

Amanda watched as he swung past them and out into the hallway. She was already trying to figure out what to do.

~*~

Hatot made his way to the bridge, where he learned he was being hailed by the Enterprise.

"Afternoon, Captain." He was only slightly surprised when he saw that the new acting captain was a Vulcan.

"This is acting Captain Spock. Captain, you have two of my crew on your ship. I demand that you return them at once."

Hatot shook his head with a smile. "Tell you what. You can have the boy. The girl, I'd like to keep around."

"Absolutely out of the question."

There was a fire in this Vulcan's eyes that Hatot had never seen before. Vulcans and Romulans were closely tied, and he could tell that this man was not completely Vulcan. He could also tell that there was something about Kirk's sister that had Spock up in arms.

"I like her." He told the Vulcan truthfully. "I'll not give her up. If you won't make a deal, then you'll never see either of them again. Better one than none."

"You are behaving quite illogically. Surely you realize that if you do not surrender my captain and crewman you will have to fight off the entire Starfleet soon enough?"

Captain Hatot only shrugged. "A risk I'm willing to take, I suppose. Until we meet again." He turned away from the monitor, paused a moment, and turned back. "Anything you wish to say to your Captain Kirk? When I see her, I'll give Amanda your love."

He wondered briefly if he should have said those things when Spock's pupil's dilated, his nostrils flared, and his hands turned white as they gripped the sides of his chair. "We'll see about that."

The screen went black and everyone in the command room of the Enterprise turned to look at Spock.

"What will we do, Captain?" Chekov asked with a worried frown.

Spock was still staring at the screen, intense concentration on his face. "She'll come back. She has to have some kind of a plan." A few seconds later, he abruptly stood up in his chair. "Tell Lieutenant Scott to meet me in the control room. Immediately."

~*~

When the guards let Amanda into the cell where they were keeping Jim, she ran towards his cowering form. They had been beating the crap out of him, that much was certain.

"Oh, Jim."

He looked up at her through puffy, black and blue eyes and smiled. "'S'not as bad as it looks." He slowly moved himself into a sitting position. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Though he asked, he didn't really seem surprised to see her. Amanda just shrugged in response as she settled in next to him.

"I told Spock to keep an eye on you."

"Since when has anyone been able to keep an eye on me?"

"Good point."

"So what's the plan?"

"I haven't really gotten to that part yet."

"Great. Next time, you stay home. Send someone with a plan."

"I'll think of something." She murmured under her breath, watching the guards pace back and forth in front of the cell, occasionally glancing over at them. "What about you, _Captain_? Aren't you supposed to be the man with the plan around here?"

"I'm kind of frazzled at the moment. Sorry if my great ideas aren't breaking through the layer of blood and puss swishing around in my cranium."

"Ew."

They sat in silence for a bit, brainstorming.

"I could try to get back to the hanger."

"Good luck with that."

"Where is your phaser?"

"They took it." Jim shrugged and shifted uncomfortably.

"Took it where?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

"Don't you yell at me. You're the one who got us into this mess. Trying to be all macho."

"I was NOT trying to be macho! I _am_ macho!"

Amanda just rolled her eyes.

One puffy eye shifted her way. "What are their plans?"

"They want to kill you."

"What about you?"

"They seem to want me to hang around for a bit."

"Oh come on. Kill _me_ and keep _you_ around? Please."

"I think its my sparkling personality."

"Keep dreaming, sis."

"That's it." Their heads snapped up to see a grouchy guard tapping on the cell bars. "You're done. I have to take you back to your room."

"You have a room?" Jim asked enviously.

Amanda looked at him sadly. "Don't worry. I'll be back soon. And then we'll get gone."

~*~

Amanda's brain was whirring away as she was led down a series of hallways back to her "room" on the ship. She was trying to mentally track the route so that she could find her way back.

She was surprised to find the room empty with just a tray of food sitting on the small table by the bed. Not hungry, she settled into the chair that Hatot had been sitting in before to think.

There was no good way to do this, she realized sadly. She had considered everything – how to find her way to the cell, how to get into the cell, how to fight off the guards, how to get Jim out of there as fast as possible. She had no good answers.

She was lost in thought until she realized that there was a light beeping noise somewhere in the room that was beginning to intrude on her planning. She looked around, forehead creased in confusion. It didn't take her long to realize that the beeping was coming from her own belt!

She took it off and analyzed it for a long moment. She had never really looked at it before, but there was a rather elaborate design for such a simple belt buckle. She ran her finger over it gently and heard a light clicking sound.

"Mandi?"

Amanda was so shocked, she nearly threw the belt across the room. Was that Scotty's voice?

Running her finger over the buckle once more, she felt silly as she spoke to the belt. "Scotty?"

"Mandi! Are you alright?"

"I think I'm going insane." She mumbled to herself, moving to set the buckle down.

"You're not insane. It's a transmitter. We installed them after Captain Pike's abduction."

The sound of Spock's voice made Amanda all kinds of happy – she didn't want to think about the effects he was beginning to have on her. She lifted the buckle once more and spoke to it again.

"Why didn't you try this before?"

"We had forgotten about them. It's a faulty connection – most of the prototypes were thrown out. You got one because the Captain couldn't find any other belts on board."

"How thoughtful." She rolled her eyes but couldn't hide her happiness at having some contact with the Enterprise.

"Do you have any way to get out of there, lassie?" Scotty piped up again.

Amanda looked around the room, as if hoping for some escape route to appear. "Unfortunately, no. I'm not sure where they have the shuttles docked. I know where they're keeping Jim though."

"Use this as a communicator. Get to Jim, signal us, and we'll beam you aboard at warp."

"I don't think that it'll be that easy." She told Spock, beginning to pace around the room. "These guys are kind of a lot bigger than me. And, Hatot said that I could only see Jim once before they kill him."

"Oh, it's Hatot now, is it?"

Amanda was confused by the tone of Spock's random interjection. "That's his name."

"It's _Captain_ Hatot, isn't it?"

"Well, I always considered captain a term of respect. Consequently the use of such a term seems a bit inappropriate, given the circumstances of our acquaintance."

"You both need to stop bickering and just get the plan out already." Scotty sounded as if he had moved away from the transmitter.

"Just figure out how to get to the Captain." Spock sounded irritated. "Sometime tonight."

"And what if I can't?"

"Then we'll have to try something else"

There was a short beep, which signaled Spock's signing off. Amanda groaned in frustration and put on her belt just as two of the captain's guards came bursting through the door.

"The Captain wishes for you to dine with him."

"Then what's that for?" She asked, gesturing towards the food by the bed.

Evidently, the men didn't feel they needed to answer her and instead grabbed her by each arm to escort her to the dining room.

~*~

The dinner was quiet and tense. Amanda wondered if the captain knew what she was up to – he was staring at her in an unsettling way. Towards the end of the meal, he came to sit on the arm of her chair.

"How are you finding the accommodations?"

"Lovely." She tried to lace her voice with sarcasm, but wasn't sure he'd pick up on it.

He began to stroke her hair, and she leaned as far away from him as she could. He frowned at her recoiling response and stood up abruptly.

"I would like for you to join me this evening."

"I'm already here."

"I am referring to join me in a different capacity."

Slowly, it began to sink in. He was trying to get her to _sleep with him_.

"You have to be joking."

The look on his face indicated that he was not joking. He jerked her roughly upwards by the arm and tossed her backwards over her chair. Before she could gather herself, his boot was across her neck, slowly bending the fragile bones to accommodate his pressure.

"I assure you, I am not."

Her small fingers clutched at the toe of his boot. For the first time in a long time, Amanda was genuinely afraid. What was she supposed to do? Agree?

As her air supply began to reach critical levels, she used her fists to beat as vigorously as possible at his leg. Finally, he let up and seemed to be surprised at his loss of control. He stepped away from her quickly and ran his hands through his hair. She watched, too scared to move as he pressed his palms against the far wall and inhaled sharply several times.

When he finally turned to look at her, he was smiling again. "Well, that wasn't romantic at all, was it?"

Amanda just blinked in shock. He walked over and extended an arm to her. "Let's try that again, shall we?" she winced and shied away from the hand that he offered, but he grabbed her and lifted her up anyway. "You will enjoy yourself, I promise."

She was fighting the urge to vomit all over him. Her face was a twisted mask of horror, fear, and disgust. If she kept this up, Hatot thought to himself, the experience wouldn't last very long at all.

"I'll let you see your brother. One more time."

There – her eyes lit up a bit with that familiar fire and he knew that he almost had her back.

So that was it then? Amanda had figured it out – she could get to Jim again, but she'd have to agree to sleep with the Romulan captain. She wondered if he would expect her to perform first – it had been quite a while. What if it was disappointing? Would he renege on his promise?

"I get to see Jim first." She demanded.

He thought for a minute, squinting at her through his dark eyes. Pursing his lips, he nodded. Might as well try to make her happy. Happier women were less of a pain in the ass.

"Now."

He called the guards to him and they led her once more to the cell where Jim sat in the corner, exhausted.

"You're back."

"Indeed."

Amanda subtly pressed on the belt buckle and knelt next to Jim. "I can get us out of here."

Jim's eyes widened in surprise when he heard Scotty's voice come quietly from his sister's waist.

"I can't lock on your signal. You'll have to get away from wherever you are. Is there metal in the area? It could be disrupting the transmissions."

Amanda and Jim looked grimly at the bars.

"Can I take him for a walk?"

The guard laughed in her face.

"Are you strong enough to kick a little ass?" She murmured to Jim.

"I'm always strong enough for that." Her brother assured her as he slowly lifted himself to stand against the wall.

Without warning, Amanda fell to the floor and howled painfully. As she predicted, the two guards rushed into the room to see what had happened. Whipping her hand out, she poked the closest guard in both eyes and he staggered backwards. Jim was dealing with the other one, and almost didn't need her help. With the two guards disabled, Amanda and Jim grabbed their weapons, two phaser-like guns, and she began to help Jim from the room as quickly as she could.

Of course it was only a matter of time before other guards learned of the situation and were speedily dispatched.

"Scotty, how about now?"

"Still no good!" he yelled. "A little further – you've got to get off of whatever level you're on."

That meant getting Jim up stairs. He was a heavy guy. She found a stairwell and started to half-push half-drag her brother to the next floor when the sound of heavy footfalls behind them forced her to stop. She set Jim down on a stair and he immediately began to try to pull himself the rest of the way up. She headed down to fight off the rest of the guards.

"Be careful!" he yelled after her, feeling helpless.

The gun got rid of the first four, but stopped working soon after. Thankfully, the fifth was the smallest and Amanda thought she could take him hand-to-hand. Bracing herself against the walls on either side of her, she lifted her feet and kicked him as hard as she could, but he grabbed her ankle and she flew over his head, colliding with the opposite wall. They fought in a series of jabs and kicks and Amanda held up surprisingly well.

Until he pulled out the knife.

It was long, pointed, and formidable looking. Black steel. He swung at her wholeheartedly and she leaped out of the way the first time, but felt a fire begin to spread across her back as she realized that she had been hit on the back blow. She plunged forward and leaned against the wall, trying to ignore the searing pain. He was coming back at her for the final blow when she heard a voice cry,

"STOP!"

Both Amanda and the guard turned their heads to see Captain Hatot standing in the hallway over the bodies of six of his guards.

"Drop it."

The guard released his knife and it clattered to the ground. Amanda wasn't sure what to do, so she just stood there, shaking.

"I'll deal with her."

For a moment, Amanda had wondered whether the captain was in fact as awful as she had thought he was. He was saving her, wasn't he? But when she heard those words come from his mouth, she knew that she didn't have to worry about hurting him – this man was evil. She dove for the knife and plunged it into the Romulan guard's stomach. His mouth dropped open in surprise and she jerked the knife away before running into the stairwell.

The captain followed and grabbed for her ankles. She could see that Jim had made it to the top of the stairs and she held tight, trying to jerk her leg away from Hatot.

"Jim!"

Her brother watched in horror as the Romulan captain used her leg as a rope to crawl up to meet her face-to-face. Recovering from her initial surprise and his speed, Amanda's grip on the knife tightened, she jerked her leg away and held the knife out in front of her, willing it not to shake in her terrified hand.

"Stay. Away."

To her surprise, the captain just watched her clamor up the stairs backwards. She continued to hold the knife out in front of her as she put her arm around Jim.

"How's this Scotty?"

"About right. Stay as still as you can." Amanda turned to hold Jim with both arms, keeping a watchful eye on the bewildered captain, as the familiar fizzling feeling of being beamed aboard the starship came over her.

~*~

Moments later, the whole crew gathered around in the transporter room as they awaited the arrival of their long-lost crewmen. Amanda and Jim quickly materialized, crouched down in a defensive posture.

When they stood up, they were greeted by grateful cries from everyone in the room. Jim, as usual, delivered a giant "it-was-nothing" smile and started head-first into the congratulatory crowd. Amanda hung back, waiting for it to clear from her safe position on the transporter.

But when she saw him, she wanted to run and hide.

When Spock emerged, the happy crowd parted and grew silent. He made his way across the room, stopping inches from her face.

She tensed up and readied herself for the blow that she knew was coming.

"Go to your room."

If he hadn't sounded so deadly serious, she might have laughed.

"Now."

"You can't tell me what to – "

She stopped short as he saw red. As quickly as she could, she walked around him and headed for the door, stopping only to hug Jim and Pavel on her way out.


	21. Chapter 21: Lasting Consequences

Thanks for your patience with my sporadic updates! When they finally get around to it it's gonna be HOT! I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar.

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**Chapter 21: Lasting Consequences**

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Amanda waited in her room for what seemed like hours for Spock to arrive to chew her out.

It was actually a good thing that he sent her there, she had decided. She was exhausted and eager to shower and change her clothes. She stood in front of her bathroom mirror, facing away from it, and turned her head to analyze the deep cut that had been made by the Romulan guard's knife. She noticed with alarm that the wound didn't seem to be healing at all – in fact, it seemed to be getting worse. It was covered in a layer of thick green pus and the sides of her skin were inflamed and seemed to be charred with some kind of blue crust.

"Ugh. Disgusting." She murmured to herself, attempting to clean it off with a towel. When she touched it delicately, a lighting pain seared through her back and she decided to just let it be for a while. If it didn't look better in the morning, she'd go see Bones about it.

Eventually, she fell asleep.

When she awoke it was 3 o'clock in the morning, and Spock was sitting across from her in a chair. She jumped when she saw him and quickly pulled her robe on.

"Knock much?" she asked, her speech sounding slightly slurred.

Spock's forehead creased in – was that concern or concentration? She couldn't tell the difference with Vulcans. It was probably concentration.

"What you did today… That was very thoughtless of you."

She rolled her eyes and headed across the room to get a glass of water.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt you to think every now and then."

Amanda turned to look him in the eye, obviously cross. "I _do_ think."

"Why would you do something so stupid?"

"No one here was about to do anything. And he's back now, isn't he?"

"Your behavior was illogical. You were operating under urges from what I believe you humans refer to as the gut. Perhaps that is not the wisest course of action."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Ugh. How Vulcan of you."

"And pray, tell me, what is so offensive about my way of life?"

"You call that _life_?! You don't _do_ anything, you just sit around and think about it. I would rather be reckless than boring."

To her surprise, Spock didn't seem mad at all. Just…defeated. He shook his head.

"What's done is done. I am not here to discuss your reckless decisions."

"Then what are you here for?" Amanda asked him crossly.

"When I realized that you had gone to the Romulan ship alone today…I was not happy."

She laughed a little. "I could tell."

"I was not happy because it was an illogical strategical move." He defended his Vulcan responses. "But there was something else."

Amanda met his eyes expectantly and he, surprisingly, avoided her gaze.

"I was… concerned that something would happen to you."

The room was eerily quiet. Not quite sure where he was going with this, Amanda only nodded. "Okay."

"I did not want you to be there. I did not want you to be there alone."

"Okay."

"I wanted you to be here."

"Okay."

"I wanted you to be here with me."

The conversation was awkward. If she didn't know better, Amanda would have guessed that Spock was trying to tell her that he had a crush on her.

Did Vulcans even get crushes?

And why did she suddenly feel like a schoolgirl again? Did she like him back?

"When I see you, it's like I'm hungry all over."

Her face flushed immediately and Spock realized that he had finally made his point clear enough.

"I don't want to be without you."

"How?"

He looked at her, genuinely confused by her questioning response.

"How what?"

"Just – how? Why?"

"I do not know." Spock shook his head, clearly unhappy with what was going on inside of himself. "I must speak candidly. You do strange things to me. When I am with you, I am never quite sure whether I want to scream at you, or…"

As Amanda looked at him, she could feel her face beginning to grow red with embarrassment. Well, it _was_ embarrassment, wasn't it? "Or?" she prompted.

"Or make love to you again and again and again. It is most frustrating."

Her face grew so flushed Amanda felt like she was on fire. She had heard of people being swept away by romantic gestures, but this was really too much.

Spock watched in horror as Amanda's face went from beet red to a sickly pale yellow. For a moment, he thought she might faint.

"Amanda, are you alright?"

She nodded, taking a deep breath of cool air. She was burning up inside. In fact, she felt like someone had lit a match and dropped it on her back. This couldn't be normal. "I'm fine. Just – a little bit…dizzy."

Spock immediately realized that something was seriously wrong with her. "What happened? Are you alright?"

She heard his words but they sounded far away. She was only vaguely aware of the feeling of being lifted and carried down the hall. Spock's voice got further and further away until she couldn't hear or see anything anymore.

The last words she heard came in the form of a command from Spock:

"Amanda, you will not die. You _cannot _die. That is an order!"


	22. Chapter 22: The Antidote

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that sounds familiar.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!  


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**Chapter 22: The Antidote**

Spock ran towards the medical bay with Amanda rapped tightly in his arms. She was totally out now. He was sure she hadn't heard his last command.

"Doctor McCoy!" He shouted upon entering the doctor's headquarters. "I need Dr. McCoy immediately!"

Seconds later, Bones emerged from his office, hurrying towards them in a white lab coat. Spock laid Amanda gently on the nearest cot and wiped her forehead.

"What happened?!" Bones looked at the Jim's young sister with alarm while fumbling for his penlight.

"We were speaking to one another. Her face became flushed, then pale immediately afterwards. She started slurring her words and swaying – then she went limp."

McCoy was examining her at an excruciatingly slow pace for Spock, who had begun to pace at the foot of the cot.

"What is wrong with her?"

The doctor's forehead was creased in concern. "I... I don't know. It seems to be some kind of allergic reaction."

"I have never seen such a reaction before."

"Neither have I." Bones beckoned to a nurse, who popped up alongside him immediately. "We have to do an examination." He pulled Amanda's lifeless body towards him while the nurse began to unzip the back of her dress.

"Doctor!"

"Yes, Commander?"

"You cannot be here while the nurse…de-clothes her!" Spock sounded outraged at the thought.

"Well, someone has to do the examination, Commander. Perhaps you should leave if you are so concerned for her privacy."

Spock squinted angrily at the doctor, but did not move.

Luckily, very little examination was necessary as the unzipped dress immediately revealed the gash across Amanda's back, that had grown more disgusting and irritated than ever.

The nurse's eyes grew wide. "My god…"

"Why didn't she say anything?" McCoy grumbled, laying Amanda on her stomach with the help of the nurse.

Spock watched the whole scene unfold, angry at himself for not noticing Amanda's condition earlier. How had he not seen that she was in pain? And serious pain, at that. "What is it?"

"It looks like she was on the receiving end of a particularly harsh Romulan poison."

"Where is the antidote?"

McCoy only looked at Spock gravely. "You'd better page Jim."

~*~

The crowd around Amanda's cot grew thicker and thicker until it comprised of nearly the entire crew. After McCoy ordered security to keep a guard at the door to sick bay, he, Spock, and Jim stood on all sides, staring down at her.

"What is the antidote?" Jim asked, his voice on the brink of cracking with pain.

"That's just it, Jim. I sent a sample through the computer – there is only one antidote to this poison. Hycanith plant pollen. The problem is, it isn't native to this quadrant."

'How far do we have to go to get it?"

"Like I said, Jim, out of the _quadrant_."

The captain was glad for the privacy of the medical bay as he hung his head. "What can we do?"

"I can administer some Tallus root paste to try to clear up some of the infection, but that will buy us hours at the most."

"How long does she have?"

Bones looked from Spock to Jim, worried about the affect that his words might have. "If we don't get her the antidote, I'd say…days, Jim. Days."

"And there is no way to get to the antidote?"

"I have Beloti, near Starbase 214 as the nearest location."

"Commander Spock, have Sulu chart a course of Beloti."

"Jim –" McCoy reached for his friend's arm, "There won't be time."

"I have to do _something_ Bones!" Agony spread across the captain's features. "I _dragged _her here. She didn't want to come, but I _made_ her come. And now I've gotten her killed."

Spock had remained silent throughout most of the commotion, but his pointed ears had perked up when he heard Bones mention the pollen's location on Beloti.

"Perhaps not."

Both men turned to look at their friend.

"I'm sorry, Spock, but I'm quite sure – "

"I – Spock Prime - has a greenhouse on New Vulcan. He specializes in foreign plant varieties. I believe he may have what we need."

"How far is New Vulcan?"

"We would arrive in approximately three days time."

"Go. Now."


	23. Chapter 23: It's All So Foggy

Chapter 23: It's All So Foggy

The mood on the Enterprise was tense, especially coming from Jim and Spock. The bridge had never been more quiet. Every moment that he was not working, Spock spent by Amanda's side. His odd behavior did not escape the attention of the crew, but he didn't seem to care.

Spock's long legs led him swiftly towards the sick bay for what was probably the tenth time that evening. New Vulcan was very close now – he had been in contact with Spock Prime, who was preparing a room for Amanda in anticipation of their arrival.

Arriving at the sick bay, he took his customary position in the corner of the room furthest from her cot.

A hour later, Bones was unsurprised to see his commander keeping vigil.

"Spock, she's not getting any better yet. If you leave, she'll look the same when you come back."

"Seeing as her condition came on so suddenly, it stands to reason that it could suddenly worsen as well. It is important that someone is attentive to any possible needs."

Bones just shook his head and headed over to Amanda's cot to check her vitals and temperature.

"This fever is out of control." His forehead creased as he pressed his hands to her face.

"Will it have lasting effects?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It never stays too high for too long. It's been spiking."

"This plant. Are you sure that it will succeed in stopping the infection?"

"Honestly, Spock, it's never been tried on someone this long after they've been exposed to the poison. I'm not sure."

"Are you sure of anything?"

Bones looked at Spock, surprised by his harsh tone. The look on his face must have said it all, because Spock's face softened.

"I apologize, Doctor. I do not mean to question your expertise."

"It's fine, Spock. We're all pretty shaken up by this."

Just then, Kirk's familiar voice, now tinged with tension, came on over an intercom. "Bones, we are approaching New Vulcan. Please have the patient prepared for transport."

~*~

Amanda work up in a bed that she didn't recognize. The bright, hot light streaming through open doorways indicated that this wasn't her room on the Enterprise. She vaguely remembered being in her room, talking to Spock, feeling dizzy, and then a searing, white hot pain.

She sat up slowly, pushing her hair back and pulling her legs out from under the light, crimson colored sheet to let them hit the open air.

"Well, good morning."

She noticed the doorway to her right, opposite the window, for the first time. A man – no, a Vulcan – was standing there, holding a tray of some kind of food. She was quite sure that she had never seen this older Vulcan before, but there was something familiar about him.

"I was wondering when you would be joining us in the land of the living."

She smiled at the joke, feeling unthreatened. "I'm – I'm sorry, but…where am I?"

"Ah! My apologies. I have forgotten my manners. You are on the young planet of New Vulcan."

"And Jim?"

"Oh, he is quite well. Out chasing women I suppose. He will, unfortunately, find himself largely unsuccessful in his endeavors. Vulcan women are not usually responsive to romantic advances."

"And Spock?"

"Spock stepped out about four minutes and twenty-six seconds ago. He will be most upset to learn that you awoke during one of his rare absences."

The man came to the bedside to set the tray of food on her lap.

"An attempt at human food. You will, no doubt, find it a bit..bland."

"What happened? Why are we here?"

"In the process of your brave but foolhardy attempt to rescue your brother from the Romulans who abducted him, you were struck by a blade laced with a powerful poison." He settled himself into a chair that had been drawn near the bed. "I happened to have a plant growing in my greenhouse that provides a remedy for your condition."

"And – I'm sorry, but – who are you?"

The old man smiled at her as he crossed his long legs, "I am Spock."

The room was quiet while Amanda processed the information. "How long did you say I've been out for?"

"About three weeks."

She frowned. "Well then, in that case, Spock…my, how you've changed…"

He smiled at her. "I am Spock's future self. The scenario is quite complex, but I can tell you that I am a perfect representation of who I will become."

"Okay." Amanda preferred to not ask questions in this strange world. Everything would be explained in due time.

"I am glad to see that I was able to assist in improving your wellbeing." She was looking at him more closely now, and had to admit that he looked a lot like Spock.

Across the room, another door opened and Amanda saw Spock's familiar form emerge from beyond. He could not hide the look of relief and excitement in his eyes as he crossed the room in a few short strides.

"Why did you not tell me that she was awake?" he looked at Spock Prime accusingly.

"The girl just woke approximately six minutes and fourty two seconds ago. There was no time to alert you. I also assumed, given your past patterns of behavior, that you would be returning imminently and there was no reason to go out of my way looking for you, if I was only to return to find you here."

"Hi, Spock."

The Vulcan looked down at her and his expression softened. "Good Morning. Are you feeling well?"

"Pretty much." She shrugged a little. "My head kind of hurts."

"I'll see to getting you something for that."

"I'm fine, really."

About sixty seconds of slightly awkward silence followed, during which older Spock looked expectantly between his younger self and Amanda.

"Ah, well, I think my services will be needed elsewhere." He said finally, deciding that maybe his presence was what was impeding the conversation. "Amanda, it was lovely to converse with you. I will see you at a later time, I am sure."

"Definitely. Thanks for – the antidote thingy I guess."

"I am just glad that I could be of service."

He spun on his heel and left rather abruptly.

Amanda smiled at Spock, "So, that's you in fifty years, eh?"

"Something like that." He conceded with a shrug.

"He seems –more chilled out."

"Yes." Spock looked towards the door as if he could still see his older self walking through it. His features came together in disgruntled acknowledgement.

"That's not necessarily a bad thing."

He looked back at her, as if he had forgotten she was there. "No, I suppose it isn't." He needed to busy himself, so he moved across the room to pour himself a glass of water from a pitcher set up on top of a high dresser.

"Water?" he called over his shoulder. "Or, I don't suppose you would be interested in having some Vulcan wine?"

She laughed, "Nooo, thank you. I've heard all about the powers of Vulcan wine. I can't even handle normal liquor very well."

He headed back across the room and sat in the chair that Spock Prime had previously occupied. Amanda began to pick at the food she had been given – a sandwich and a bowl of some kind of brown soup.

"I – I'm sorry I just kind of passed out on ya there." She recalled with some embarrassment.

"No need to apologize." Spock was wondering how much of their conversation she remembered.

"I don't even really know what we were talking about."

Question answered.

"But I feel like it was kind of important – "

"Not at all." He assured her. "I was coming by to scold you about your juvenile behavior. It's probably best that you don't remember."

"Were you mean?"

"It's best you don't recall."

"Well, what did you say?" Amanda was interested now. The memories were there, but foggy. He was right – she remembered him being particularly tense. But she didn't think that he really yelled at her that much.

"Really, Amanda, you should just let it go and try not to remember. I'm going to go try to track down your brother. I trust you will be fine on your own?"

He didn't wait for her answer. Before she could even open her mouth, Spock was out the door.


	24. Chapter 24: Talking to Myself

Hello All! I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update. It's my senior year and I've been crazy busy. This is a small chapter but I'm working on it more now so I should have some more up soon. Let me know what you think, but don't be an ass. Seriously. :) Thanks for sticking with me through my hiatus! Enjoy!

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**Chapter 24: Talking to Myself**

Spock hurried down the halls of his future house, feel slamming against the rocky floor in a manner very uncharacteristic of him. He was running over his actions that night over and over again in his head – he couldn't _believe_ he'd said things to her. What was he _thinking_?! A Vulcan telling a woman who hates Vulcans that he's in love with her… it's absurd. No wonder she'd blocked it out.

He rounded the corner and almost ran smack dab head-on into…himself.

"Well, hello there. We _have_ to stop meeting like this." Spock Prime joked as he steadied the other Spock with one hand on each shoulder.

"Hello." Spock was not in the mood to talk. Even to himself.

"What troubles you, my young friend?" he put an arm around Spock and headed back towards Amanda's room slowly.

"Nothing. It's not important."

"Unfortunately for you, I already know what's troubling you. I have all of your memories."

When Spock did not respond, his older self decided to continue on with his inside information. "What makes you think she wouldn't _want_ to remember what you said to her?"

Still no response.

"You should tell her."

"And why do you feel that that would be the right course of action? Given her history of behavior towards me, inviting rejection would be illogical."

"And I'm telling you that if you do not say something," Spock Prime once again grasped his shoulders, this time with urgency in his voice, "You _will_ regret it. For the rest of our life."

Spock didn't know what to say. It was clear that his older self felt very strongly about this, but what could he do? He was not about to sacrifice himself on the altar of dignity. Besides, he seemed fine in the future.

They had reached Amanda's door again, but Spock found himself unable to step over the threshold. "I'm sorry. I will come back later. I have things to attend to."

Spock Prime merely shook his head and entered the room, shutting it in Spock's face.


	25. Chapter 25: Behind Garden Walls

Chapter 25: Behind Garden Walls

"Oh, hello there."

Amanda had zipped up the dress left in the room for her in the nick of time. Future Spock opened the door just as she turned to get some shoes.

"Are you sure that you are in a condition to explore already? Perhaps you should rest a while longer."

"Oh, no I think I'll be fine."

Spock Prime just smiled at her, knowing that she was going to do what she wanted no matter what he said.

"Vulcan attire suits you." He observed.

Amanda looked down at her long navy blue gown and smiled. It was...interesting, to say the least. Vulcans had maintained the tradition of corseted gowns for women, and Amanda got to know her breasts in ways she never had before. She also hadn't known that her waist could get that small… At least it as flattering, if not completely comfortable.

"It certainly is different."

Spock Prime smiled at her. "You get used to it."

"Well, I don't think that'll be necessary. Though it is a pretty flattering cut."

"It is indeed." He nodded, leading the way towards the door. "Most Vulcan women do not have the same figures as human women. The styles seem to fit your race differently."

"I hope I'm not going to be considered improperly dressed."

"Not at all."

Amanda walked through the door that older Spock chivalrously held ajar for her.

"Where is Spock? Did he find Jim?"

"I'm not sure where our young friend has wandered off to at the moment. But, I can tell you that your brother is downstairs in the drawing room. Chatting up some of my neighbors."

When they reached the room, Amanda was amused to see Jim sitting soberly across from three Vulcan women. They appeared to be three generations from the same family, all with firm Vulcan brows and cheekbones. They were staring back and forth at each other glumly.

"Where's the party?" she smirked as she entered the room.

"SIS!" He jumped up and practically leapt over to her. "Finally. I'm about to die in this analytical hell hole."

On the contrary, Amanda felt perfectly fine. So, perhaps this was what it was like to be "normal"? She couldn't feel any anger, sadness, distress, or anything coming from the people in the room. It was stark, and for once she could analyze her own feelings.

She was… tired. And wanted to see Spock.

"Amanda, these are my neighbors, T'Rat and her daughter T'Dan, and T'Dan's daughter T'Pring."

"Nice to meet all of you."

Amanda smiled at the women, but they did not smile back. She was undisturbed.

"Where is Spock?" She threw the question out, hoping that someone would have the answer.

Jim gave her a knowing smile. "I think he was headed out into that dessert that they call their garden a few minutes ago."

"That's this way?"

"Yep."

She began walking in that direction.

"You're leaving?!" Jim called after her. "But you – we have to catch up!" His eyes pleaded with her not to leave him alone with the silent statues.

"I'll be back." She assured him.

"And until then, I will keep you company." Spock Prime told him with a smile.

~*~

Amanda wandered out into the strange Vulcan garden. It was quiet, and she wasn't even sure if Spock was really there. She moved slowly, observing the plants with genuine interest. They were surprisingly colorful for the desert climate of New Vulcan – similar to multi-colored versions of the cacti that she knew from the States.

She rounded a corner, and there he was, standing stiffy, observing a particularly tall, flowering plant.

"Hello there."

He spun on a heel to see her.

"Amanda – You shouldn't be up. You're not yet well enough-" He made a move towards her and to his surprise, she let him grab her by the shoulders.

"I feel fine."

"You're pale –"

"I'm always pale."

"I can't help but think that you are – what is it that you humans say? Pressing your luck." His brain told him to release her arms but his body wouldn't let him. He was careful not to hold her too tightly – her frame felt so small in his hands. She was staring at him – not letting him look away.

Amanda didn't know what came over her – for some reason, she was unreasonably attracted to Spock just then. The tall, dark figure in the colorful garden was a sight to be seen. She wanted to wrap herself around him. Not knowing if she could take it that far right away, she resolved herself to take some form of physical action. Fortunately, he had made the first move.

"Maybe I am."

She forced herself to stop thinking about everything inside her that was screaming that she was going insane and launched herself up at him. Their lips met in a crash of shock – for both parties involved.

Spock wasn't entirely sure what was going on. He instinctively stiffened, but as soon as his lips, long-deprived of feminine attention, felt hers, he couldn't stop himself. He softened against her and the same arms that had grasped her shoulders now forcibly pulled her in towards him. Something inside him unleashed itself and he hiked her legs up around his waist so that she wouldn't have to strain to reach him.

He had released her shoulders to lift her and Amanda took the opportunity to run her fingers through his smooth, dark hair. She ran her tongue along his lips as he continued to devour her.

And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, Spock pulled away from her. His eyes were wide with shock. He practically dropped her on the ground before turning away. "You really should go lie down. I think you're still delusional." He called to her over his shoulder as he sped up the path and back into the house.

She stood there, stunned, for several long moments. What was that supposed to mean? He _had _responded favorably in the beginning – of that much, she was sure. She had never known a Vulcan to experience such obviously overpowering lust. It was contagious from him.

But then, he had just left her there. _Dropped_ her, in fact. What the hell?


	26. Chapter 26: Advice

Hello all! Thanks for your patience with this story - honestly, I've kind of lost my drive for it. But, having re-read it, I'm going to watch the gorgeousness that is Spock in Star Trek once more and try to re-energize myself. In the mean time, enjoy. :)

Also, no flames please. These are my characters, this is my story, and if you don't like them or it, stop reading.

The disclaimer that has always applied still applies here. If it's familiar, I don't own it.

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**Chapter 26: Advice**

Spock hated himself as he sped along the hallways in his future home. Nothing could have prepared him for what had just occurred with Amanda. No amount of self control could have prevented it. He was ashamed of himself for wanting her so badly.

But he had finally tasted her, and knew that he had to have more.

Vulcans never spoke of their romantic associations. It was considered undignified and improper. But again, most Vulcans were completely analytical and so could approach the whole issue with maturity and self control. Reckless abandonment and vulgar sexual exploration were human traits. And so, Spock was in a unique position. His dominant Vulcan side of him wanted him to stay calm, while his rapidly advancing human side just wanted to lose control.

He wasn't sure which side would win.

Either way, he at least knew that Amanda was receptive to the idea. After all, she had kissed him first. But then, this only tempted him more.

He could not turn to another Vulcan, for discussion of such matters was inconceivable among his people. And so, he did the only thing that he could think of – he sought out Jim.

"Captain, I have a problem."

Jim looked up at his Vulcan First Officer standing in the doorway to his temporary bedroom.

"Why, Spock, how nice of you to join me."

"Captain."

"You can call me Jim, Spock."

"Yes, Captain."

Jim just shook his head and threw the book that he'd been reading aside. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I, uh. I'm not sure how to broach the subject."

"Just spit it out."

"I am interested in – I am interested to know how a human goes about entering into a relationship with another human."

Jim's head snapped up to look at Spock. "Seriously?" He squinted at his friend. "You can't be – are you talking about my sister?"

"Absolutely not. I was just interested in the specifics of a hypothetical situation."

"Asking about hypothetical situations would be illogical, Spock," he retorted, jumping to his feet and moving to stand firmly in front of his first officer. Though Jim was a tall man, Spock was at least four inches taller, and he couldn't do much to intimidate him. "You want to bang my sister!"

"Captain! Your vulgarity embarrasses me."

"It's true, isn't it?"

"No!" Spock's face was hot with anger at Jim's oversimplification of the situation. His Vulcan training overcame the feelings quickly, however, and he settled down. "I am simply curious to know how one might go about getting to know a human better. If you have not had the most favorable relationship in the past…"

"You want to bang my sister."

"Captain. Will you please take this seriously?"

Jim shook his head but decided to concede. "My sister – and I can't believe I'm actually giving you advice about this – she needs to be loved, Spock. Which makes the two of you inherently incompatible."

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing that you don't already know." For one rare moment, Jim tapped in to his inner big-brother. "You – you're like a brick wall, Spock."

It was hard to hear, but Spock knew he was right.

"Women want to be _wanted_. Does that translate?"

Spock didn't respond immediately, preferring instead to let the statement sink in.

"Don't get me wrong, I think it would be fascinating to have you as a brother-in-law and have boringly brilliant little nieces and nephews running around." Jim reclined lazily on the bed. "But, I don't know if Amanda would be able to stand you in the long run." Realizing that his words had probably genuinely hurt Spock, he tried to recover with some advice. "Women, Spock. _Human_ women, have to be shown physical affection. It wouldn't hurt to take her by surprise a little. Show her something she isn't expecting."

The advice was a more than Spock could handle at that particular moment, and without another word he spun abruptly on his heel and beelined towards his room to try to figure things out.


	27. Chapter 27: Damage

**Chapter 27: Damage**

Spock hadn't realized exactly how badly his behavior in the garden had impacted his relationship with Amanda until dinner that evening. The entire night she didn't look at him, speak to him, or even so much as pass him a plate. He had royally screwed things up.

Aside from Amanda's frustration at Spock, she was doubly irritated by the presence of his stern neighbors, all of whom seemed none too fond of her, and who were also determined to remain present for as long as possible. Dinner was tense, with relative silence only interrupted by Jim's unwelcome jokes and future Spock's infrequent attempts at stimulating conversation. He spoke to Amanda a lot, though, and for that she was grateful. It helped to keep her mind off of things.

If she had had her mind on things, she might have noticed that Spock's intense gaze rarely left her face. Everyone else noticed, that's for sure, and she was getting some pretty inexplicably evil glares from the ladies across the table.

She was glad for dinner to be over and they retired to a sort of drawing room where they sat in more silence. Eventually, Spock's future self turned to him – it was an unusual sight to see, that's for sure. They were different and yet too similar to escape the eerie impact of the older one speaking to himself.

"Spock, I have just purchased a new lute. Why don't you play for us?"

Amanda instantly looked up from where she had been clapping her fingernails together in her lap. Spock played an instrument? That was so… un-Spock.

He had been on the verge of refusing, but Jim gave him a look that said that this was one of those things that human girls liked. And hey, he knew that he was an excellent lute player. Why not?

He gave his consent and his future self gestured to a corner of the room, where an elaborate lute was held up by a matching stand. Spock walked over and lifted the lute, returning with it to his seat and Amanda tried to feign disinterest as he settled it on his thigh and prepared to play.

She had never heard the Vulcan lute before. Damnit, it was beautiful. She had wanted Spock to be really bad at playing music. Had wanted it to sound like a guitar with two strings or an out-of-tune piano. But unfortunately for her self esteem and for that ever-growing feeling in the pit of her stomach, the sound was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as he was.

She struck the thought from her mind immediately and tried to look away, but the music kept bringing her eyes back around to stare as his long fingers sliding gently across the strings. Oh, what those fingers appeared to be able to do…

'Ugh! Look away, Amanda. What the hell is wrong with you?' She mentally scolded herself. Thank god she was the only one in the room with empathetic abilities, or she would have really embarrassed herself.

Unable to stand it anymore, she stood and announced her intention to go to bed. She left the room as fast as her feet could carry her, only partially aware of light footfalls behind her.

But when she turned around, she was surprised to find herself face-to-face with T'Dan, Spock's neighbor.

"Oh, hi. Sorry, did you need something?"

As she stood there, she had the feeling that T'Dan was scolding her with those keen Vulcan eyes. There it was – the Vulcan that she was familiar with. She had almost forgotten what it was like to be with one, having only had Spock for reference lately.

"It is undignified for a woman to play servant to a man who is not her own."

The stranger's cold words slapped Amanda across the face. "Excuse me?"

"Commander Spock is betrothed to my daughter. They were bonded at the age of seven."

Amanda tried to hide the shock from her face. Spock was engaged? Why the hell didn't he ever bother to mention that?

She kept her cool, meeting T'Dan's cold eyes and arching eyebrows with a level gaze. "And?"

"Whatever you are trying, this is not the time, not the place, and he is certainly not the man."

"I assure you, I'm not _trying _anything."

"Your conduct suggests otherwise."

Amanda's stomach jumped into her throat. Had she seen them kissing? It wasn't possible… But, what else could she be talking about?

"I will repeat, leave Spock alone. He belongs to someone else. Find someone of a status that is…equal to your own."

And there it was in plain English. Amanda realized instantly that T'Dan was right – she wasn't Spock's "kind". Though that didn't seem to bother her, it was clearly a step down for Vulcans. Who was she to take away his future, his hopes for a cleaner Vulcan line and perfectly stoic little children?

"I… I'm sorry if there has been a misunderstanding. I can guarantee you, your future son-in-law's virtue is still intact."

"And let's see that it remains that way, shall we?"

As she watched the noble Vulcan woman turn her back on her and head down the hall, back to the drawing room, Amanda wanted to sink into the floor. Realizing the impossibly physics of that situation, she instead chose to run. She ran into her room and locked the door as quickly and firmly as she could. Then she collapsed on the bed, drew the curtains, and cried in silence.


End file.
